On The Sunny Side Of The Street

Although I can't have any chocolate, this was all the sugar I needed this V-Day.

So... I spent Valentine's Day with Alec Baldwin. You can stop braggin' about your assorted box of Russell Stovers chocolate and romantic dinner at Olive Garden, and KNOW my day stomped yours. Bright and early on Valentine's Day morning, I got up and drove into Hollywood to see Alec Baldwin received his star on the Walk of Fame. Heather came with me and we stopped at Starbucks before hand. I needed the boost, with my porcelain skin and aversion to any time of day ending with A.M., I already draw too many similarities to a vampire. The girl in front of us ordered $25 worth of coffee in between texting. I wanted to smack the back of her head, I had places to be, skank!

TIP: THIS is NOT the person to crowd in front of.

We got to Hollywood an hour before the ceremony, and there was already a butt load of people, but I got a good spot. The girl in front of me left to go find a bathroom and a few minutes later I heard, "Excuse me." A girl, NOT the same one, pushed in front of me. Oh hell to the no. I'm a rule follower, and you can NOT just say excuse me and crowd your way to the front, not when it involves me getting out of bed early AND Alec Baldwin. I saw her gross ass bedhead hair that hadn't been brushed for days, all oily & dandruffy, basically a walking Head and Shoulders ad. She was wearing high heels and rolled up jeans...I knew she was a stupid skank. I looked at the girl next to me, I saw that she was also frustrated. Since I was bigger, I pushed right up against skank-a-saurus Rex , breathing down her gross neck, making it super uncomfortable to be there. "Woooow, you've got to be effing kidding me,"  I said to the back of her flaky head. She stood there for a few more seconds, then left. She tried to get into the press area, but she was neither a member of the press, nor hot enough to enter. That's the brakes! She came back to my area and I stood close to my new rule following friend and didn't let her squeak in. "Uh, some people," she said. "Screw yourself," I replied, I'm pretty sure she did, she's a skank, they can't help themselves.

Shampoo is for closers.

I noticed the same homeless dude that was at Mel Brook's ceremony was at this one, thankfully it was not a hot day so the trash bag he utilizes as a purse didn't smell as bad. The press really started coming in and the guy in the photo below looked a lot like Huey Lewis, I wondered where 'The News' was. (That guy is actually Jerry Penacoli from Extra!)

Oh, whoa, workin' for a livin'.

The event started. Johnny Grant isn't the mayor anymore, so the new guy got things rolling. A few stars were there; Jack McBrayer (Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock), Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson from 'Parks & Rec" and Megan Mullally's husband), Stephen Baldwin (proving that everyone has a goober little brother) and Anne Heche (who cares?!) &  Megan Mullally spoke. She is very funny and wrote a great speech. Billy Baldwin was supposed to speak but was sick, so another schmuck talked, then Alec got up and excepted his star.

He was very gracious, the speech was funny but he thanked a bunch of industry people that no one knew. (Why do people do that? If your agent got you a gig, you don't have to thank him ---you already PAID him, he did his job, what he was paid to do. Oh well, he's just a nice guy.)

I don't know what that guy was yappin' about, neither does Alec. 

"I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can."- Jack Donaghy

After he did interviews (with NBC only reporters) he came over to us peasants. What sucks about stuff like this is there's always a bunch of douche b's that want to get crap signed so they can sell it on eBay. I effin' hate them and they were there in force.

A: Always, B: Be, C: Charming

Always Be Charming

It was a fun way to spend Valentine's Day, but I had to drive back and go to work. After an awesome day, a little kid in a wheel chair snapped my happy ass back down to reality and told me I looked like Miley Cyrus. I took it as a compliment since he was a kid and had no way of knowing she's actually a gangling weirdo. Then his Mom chimed in and said I must get that all the time. Thank you life,even though you gave me lemons to make lemonade with, you always make sure to squirt a little juice in my eye, just to keep it real!

Educate Yo' Self: Song my blog title is referencing

S.A.G.S and TITS

I'm 100% sure I have a photo with the same facial expressions with my best friend. If Fey and Poehler are anything like Cassie and me, they can only be noticing one thing, someone farted.

So...after the world's most uneventful shift, I watched the SAG Awards tonight and I will say, award shows are AWESOME with a DVR. And, for an award show ONLY for actors, not a lot of them can read cue cards super great. For some reason during the red carpet interviews, the majority of them were snoozeburgers. You're wearing  $100,000 of diamonds on your chest and get to drink all the free booze you want, I'd be super stoked!

Every one's fascination with Natalie Portman---I just, why? She's knock-up by her boyfriend who's a ballerina...Judy Garland had a kid with a gay guy too, big whoop! I read a quote from her while she was promoting her dump-tastic rom-com and these were her feelings on the romantic comedy genre, "They always want to get married at the end. There’s some kind of makeover scene. That stuff offends me." Well, Nat, there actually are movies about a hot girl who sleeps around, they're called porn and THAT is a more reasonable thing to be offended by, hippie.

Not to paint myself as a complete prude, let's talk about mammalia.

Tits, Ba zooms, Fun Bags, Medicine Balls, Pechangas, Nay-Nays---my world, welcome to it.

I also found out that NO ONE knows when 'Mad Men' will be coming back. This news seriously screwed my impending summer romance with my TV sideways because 'Mad Men' comes in and fills the cold, sad void of no new '30 Rock.' And on top of that news, my girl, Christina Hendrick's looked cute but the dress was super boring. (I have only recently purchased by first LBD, black is boring---I look better in technicolor!) AND, her husband was annoying and talked WAY too much on the red carpet interviews. Shut your yap and thank your lucky stars that you get to go home and sleep next to that.

Christina is all about her bazooms and that dress didn't really show them off. Since, I too, am in the Big Titty Committee, I think that you'd better show 'em off while they're nice, because some day they'll be like that song lyric, "Can you throw them o'er your shoulder/Like a Continental Soldier?"

Sophia Vergara ('Modern Family') knows what I'm talking about and I LOVED her dress. I would rock that dress if I ever went anywhere awesome. 

I Want To Go To There.



Alec Baldwin won for Best Actor in a Comedy. Thank God, because Big Bang Theory is a Hindenburg of a show. I don't know how that nerdy dude won at the Golden Globes and Emmys instead of my precious Daddy Bear.

On a completely random note, I love the photos of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. They remind me of Cassie and me being total goobs and I'm happy to know that I can continue being a dork for a few more decades!

That's Entertainment: A Star Is Born (ME!!)

Named after Teddy Badass Roosevelt

So...I went to the first TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood as a birthday present to myself. I was supposed to go to Vegas, but plans fell through and this turned out to be the best choice. The first day turned out to be a longggg day for me. I had to get up and get my dress from the tailor and go pick up my tickets to the festival, I was hemorrhaging money all day long! But I paid to go see the re-premire of Judy Garland's 'A Star Is Born.' WORTH IT!!

As I left the hotel to go beautify I was stopped by TCM to be interviewed. I was wearing my HUGE Jackie O sunglasses and they asked me to removed them. I lifted them up and said, "I'm not wearing any makeup, these are staying on." I was interviewed for about 10 minutes and ended up seeing that film crew at almost every event I went to, so we became pals.

Gettin' my hur did

I drove down to the DNA Salon on Beverly and saw Meredith Morris, who's AWESOME. She did my up do from photos I brought in of Joan from Mad Men and it was perfect. Then Rada Maksimovich did my make-up, very peachy and 60's ish.

Back of my 'do

I got into my dress and drove to Grauman's, very jittery about my first red carpet...anything! I played "I'm the Greatest Star," from Funny Girl to pump myself up. Oh and did I mention I was in 5 inch heels, please God, don't let me fall! I watched a how to walk in heels video from Oprah that really helped me.

Eli Wallach

There were two red carpets, one for the real stars .

And one for the no bodies who paid BANK to come were shooed inside like schoolkids late from recess. They could of at least had someone taking photos of us for fun!

In the lobby they had a few costumes from Judy Garland's various films scattered around.

The screen was HUGE

I went to see if I needed to sit down yet and since I was alone I figured I could sit where ever and stood in the lobby to watch the stars come off the red carpet. I saw Eli Wallach come in and two ladies in matching ruffly peach outfits (I later found out one of them was Ann Rutherford, Scarlet O'Hara's little sister!! WHAT!!) I saw some people that I knew but didn't know their names, because they were newer stars and then it happened, Alec Baldwin walked in.

To the surprise of myself mostly, I was very composed. He beelined to the popcorn counter and grabbed some treats and there were some skinny mousy girl, not dressed up and had her hair in a messy bun with him. They were not affectionate, but I still didn't care for her. He went to his seat so I figured I better find one myself. This old lady asked me if I worked there and while explaining that I didn't to her I heard in the back of my left eara deep gravely, " Excuse me."  I said, "Oh, pardon me." (How the hell was I so composed while dealing with my idea of perfection?!) He sat down, I found a seat that, oddly enough, was 7 seats away from Mr. Baldwin and nestled in between two of the most ignorant people I've ever met. This is what I felt like inside though,

Yes, the furthest ear is him.

Robert Osborne went up and spoke and got Alec Baldwin to come up with him ala The Essentials. I learned how to figure out the video aspect of my camera FAST!



Before the movie there was footage from the original premiere down the street at the Pantage. Lucy and Desi, Lauren Bacall and a bunch of others were interviewed and people clapped when each one came on screen. Dummy #1 to my right was there with her boyfriend, who could have saved himself $599 and left her at home to watch Gossip Girl, asked why people were clapping, those people weren't really there. I was clapping because I was exciting to see my favorite stars alive again on the big screen and for, oh, respect!

The movie began and it was wonderful. This song really stuck out to me:



(The bottom take is what was used.) It was one of the most perfect songs to see on a HUGE silver screen and made me truly appreciate movies as they should be seen as well as how Judy Garland should be seen. She seems to be one of those shoved down your throat like Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn but on the big screen with a loud soundtrack and passion behind the words, I GOT why she was/is so great. And yes I did tear up. Youtube doesn't do the song justice, it was wonderful.

in·ter·mis·sion/–noun

1.a short interval between the acts of a play or parts of a public performance, usually a period of approximately 10 or 15 minutes, allowing the performers and audience a rest.
 
Dummy #1 asks what is an intermission. I told her. She responded, "I don't know what else could be in the movie, it seems like it's done." I tell her, "Well, it's not, you have about 1.5 hrs left so you better get up." Please, go away and die because you are worthless were my thoughts. She went to get gummy bears which she smacked loudly and left the wrapper on the ground, PIG! Dummy #2 on my left asked what was restored in the movie. The audio track is all there but there are stills in black and white that were recovered from the cut scenes that we got to watch as we heard the audio, that was the restored part, which Robert Osborne, talked about, at length, had he listened!!
 
The movie ended and I see Dreamboat getting up and out before the lights are up so I scooted outside as well. He's walking around to get in the car, Boring McYawn is already in the car, and I say, "Pardon me Mr. Baldwin." He looked up and I walked out into the street to show I meant business. "I find you terribly fascinating," he loved that, "If you ever want to steal John Wayne's footprints..." And he laughed took my number and said ," ok, thank you." That was a reference to an 'I Love Lucy' episode and if you've never seen it, you're welcome.
 

 
I then walked over to Club TCM, because I didn't pay $1,000 extra to go to the Vanity Fair party (NEXT YEAR!!!), and bought myself a $4.99 Diet Coke. I met up with two really nice girls I had seen at the premire who were dressed cute.
 

Me, Carley and Amber

They left early and I went in and ran into one of the guys that had interviewed me earlier that day and I can't remember his name but we had a nice long talk. I'm horrible with names!!

The Essenstials Set

We parted and I went home around midnight because I had to be back in Hollywood the next day at 9AM to see 'The Bad and the Beautiful."

To be continued....

Hooray for Hollywood

So...The Oscars are this Sunday and guess who not going to be at work that day? This moi! I have always enjoyed watching the awards but this time it's different, this time it's 4 hours of Alec Baldwin (and Steve Martin)!!! I know, I know, Steve's done it before but come on, look at the ad, who's going to give you a better time? Not Steve.

Most people watch the awards now to see who's wearing what. Fashions have certainly changed in the 82 years. Here's a little tasty taste of how things have gone down hill and crashed into a manure truck. (Yes I just made a Biff reference in my Oscar blog!)

1930's:

Mary Pickford with her fur draped in the background.

1940's

Loretta Young and her HUGE dress

1950's

I see crazy people. At least Bette Davis wore a neat little bejeweled cap to cover her bald head (shaved for a role) and look how classy Grace Kelly looks with her gloves(too bad she was a skank. It's true Mom.) and how unfat Marlon Brando was. Ahhh, those were the days!

1960's

Audry Hepburn and Julia Andrews playing it safe

1970's

And here we go, overly tanned, sweaty but HUGE diamonds make up for everything.

Let's take a closer look

OK, that makes up for how crappy the 70's were. Thank you Liz Taylor.

1980's

Could you imagine having to sit behind that head dress? You might as well have stayed home because the view would be better on TV.

1990's

No.

2000's

Uh oh, someone was drunk when they got dressed. Well, at least you know she's havin' a goooood time!

Some people actually watch the show to see if their favorite movie will win any awards. This year they have 10 movies nominated in the Best Film category instead of 5. They made more nominees because there are just TOO many good movies out now a days. Really? There are more good movies made now than in 1939? Here are some theatrical masterpieces from 2009: Paul Blart Mall Cop, Ace Ventura 3, Fired Up, Lesbian Vampire Killers,GI Joe, All About Steve, and Jennifer's Body. All modern day classics I'm sure. 

The only movies nominated for the big one that I've seen are Up and Inglorious Bastards. Now, you really can't go wrong with killin' Nazis but Up was really, really good. I don't think it will win Best Picture but will for sure win Best Animated Film.

Below is a list of all the Best Picture Winners, if I've seen them and if I thought they were any good. (And that's right, I didn't like Casablanca!) That's one thing I like about the movies, people get very heated about their favorite films and why they love them and why your favorites suck.

Anyway, see how many you've seen.





YEAR/ MOVIE TITLE                                           SEEN                                  Any Good?



1928 (1st) Wings, Sunrise                            

1929 (2nd) The Broadway Melody
1930 (3rd) All Quiet on the Western Front

1931 (4th) Grand Hotel, Cimarron

1932 (5th) Grand Hotel

1933 (6th) Cavalcade

1934 (7th) It Happened One Night                         X                                             X

1935 (8th) Mutiny on the Bounty

1936 (9th) The Great Ziegfeld                               
1937 (10th) The Life of Émile Zola

1938 (11th) You Can't Take It With You

1939 (12th) Gone with the Wind                            X                                               MY FAVORITE

1940 (13th) Rebecca

1941 (14th) How Green Was My Valley

1942 (15th) Mrs. Miniver                                        X                                               OK

1943 (16th) Casablanca                                          X                                              
1944 (17th) Going My Way

1945 (18th) The Lost Weekend

1946 (19th) The Best Years of Our Lives               X                                                OK

1947 (20th) Gentleman's Agreement

1948 (21st) Hamlet 

1949 (22nd) All the King's Men

1950 (23rd) All about Eve                                    X                                                     X

1951 (24th) An American in Paris                         X                                                     OK

1952 (25th) The Greatest Show on Earth

1953 (26th) From Here to Eternity                         X

1954 (27th) On the Waterfront

1955 (28th) Marty

1956 (29th) Around the World in 80 Days 

1957 (30th) The Bridge on the River Kwai               X                                                        OK

1958 (31st) Gigi                                                       X                                                          X

1959 (32nd) Ben-Hur

1960 (33rd) The Apartment

1961 (34th) West Side Story                                   X

1962 (35th) Lawrence of Arabia                              X

1963 (36th) Tom Jones

1964 (37th) My Fair Lady                                        X                                                            X

1965 (38th) The Sound of Music                               X                                                            X

1966 (39th) A Man for All Seasons

1967 (40th) In the Heat of the Night

1968 (41st) Oliver!

1969 (42nd) Midnight Cowboy

1970 (43rd) Patton 

1971 (44th) The French Connection

1972 (45th) The Godfather                                        X                                                          X

1973 (46th) The Sting

1974 (47th) The Godfather Part II                            X                                                            X

1975 (48th) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest         X

1976 (49th) Rocky                                                     X

1977 (50th) Annie Hall

1978 (51st) The Deer Hunter

1979 (52nd) Kramer vs. Kramer                                  X                                                            X

1980 (53rd) Ordinary People 

1981 (54th) Chariots of Fire

1982 (55th) Gandhi

1983 (56th) Terms of Endearment

1984 (57th) Amadeus 

1985 (58th) Out of Africa                                         X                                                                 X

1986 (59th) Platoon 

1987 (60th) The Last Emperor

1988 (61st) Rain Man                                                X                                             DEFINATELY 21

1989 (62nd) Driving Miss Daisy                                 X                                                               X

1990 (63rd) Dances With Wolves

1991 (64th) The Silence of the Lambs 

1992 (65th)  Unforgiven                                               X                                                               X

1993 (66th) Schindler's List

1994 (67th) Forrest Gump                                            X                                                                X

1995 (68th) Braveheart                                                X                                                                 X
       
1996 (69th) The English Patient

1997 (70th) Titanic                                                      X                                                                  X
   
1998 (71st) Shakespeare in Love                               X                                                                    X

1999 (72nd) American Beauty                                    X                                                                    X

2000 (73rd) Gladiator                                                X                                                                      X

2001 (74th) A Beautiful Mind

2002 (75th) Chicago                                                   X

2003 (76th) The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King        X

2004 (77th) Million Dollar Baby

2005 (78th) Crash 

2006 (79th) The Departed                                                  X                                                            X

2007 (80th) No Country for Old Men 

2008 (81th) Slumdog Millionaire


To futher get you in the mood here is some music from the Golden Age of Hollywood (when they actually made good films) on an organ, similar to one that would have played in an old movie house.


That old timer playing the organ is pretty bad ass....I think I'm the only person that thinks organ playing is bad ass.