On The Sunny Side Of The Street

Although I can't have any chocolate, this was all the sugar I needed this V-Day.

So... I spent Valentine's Day with Alec Baldwin. You can stop braggin' about your assorted box of Russell Stovers chocolate and romantic dinner at Olive Garden, and KNOW my day stomped yours. Bright and early on Valentine's Day morning, I got up and drove into Hollywood to see Alec Baldwin received his star on the Walk of Fame. Heather came with me and we stopped at Starbucks before hand. I needed the boost, with my porcelain skin and aversion to any time of day ending with A.M., I already draw too many similarities to a vampire. The girl in front of us ordered $25 worth of coffee in between texting. I wanted to smack the back of her head, I had places to be, skank!

TIP: THIS is NOT the person to crowd in front of.

We got to Hollywood an hour before the ceremony, and there was already a butt load of people, but I got a good spot. The girl in front of me left to go find a bathroom and a few minutes later I heard, "Excuse me." A girl, NOT the same one, pushed in front of me. Oh hell to the no. I'm a rule follower, and you can NOT just say excuse me and crowd your way to the front, not when it involves me getting out of bed early AND Alec Baldwin. I saw her gross ass bedhead hair that hadn't been brushed for days, all oily & dandruffy, basically a walking Head and Shoulders ad. She was wearing high heels and rolled up jeans...I knew she was a stupid skank. I looked at the girl next to me, I saw that she was also frustrated. Since I was bigger, I pushed right up against skank-a-saurus Rex , breathing down her gross neck, making it super uncomfortable to be there. "Woooow, you've got to be effing kidding me,"  I said to the back of her flaky head. She stood there for a few more seconds, then left. She tried to get into the press area, but she was neither a member of the press, nor hot enough to enter. That's the brakes! She came back to my area and I stood close to my new rule following friend and didn't let her squeak in. "Uh, some people," she said. "Screw yourself," I replied, I'm pretty sure she did, she's a skank, they can't help themselves.

Shampoo is for closers.

I noticed the same homeless dude that was at Mel Brook's ceremony was at this one, thankfully it was not a hot day so the trash bag he utilizes as a purse didn't smell as bad. The press really started coming in and the guy in the photo below looked a lot like Huey Lewis, I wondered where 'The News' was. (That guy is actually Jerry Penacoli from Extra!)

Oh, whoa, workin' for a livin'.

The event started. Johnny Grant isn't the mayor anymore, so the new guy got things rolling. A few stars were there; Jack McBrayer (Kenneth the Page from 30 Rock), Nick Offerman (Ron Swanson from 'Parks & Rec" and Megan Mullally's husband), Stephen Baldwin (proving that everyone has a goober little brother) and Anne Heche (who cares?!) &  Megan Mullally spoke. She is very funny and wrote a great speech. Billy Baldwin was supposed to speak but was sick, so another schmuck talked, then Alec got up and excepted his star.

He was very gracious, the speech was funny but he thanked a bunch of industry people that no one knew. (Why do people do that? If your agent got you a gig, you don't have to thank him ---you already PAID him, he did his job, what he was paid to do. Oh well, he's just a nice guy.)

I don't know what that guy was yappin' about, neither does Alec. 

"I'm going to be your bottom, Kenneth, and I want you to ride me as hard as you can."- Jack Donaghy

After he did interviews (with NBC only reporters) he came over to us peasants. What sucks about stuff like this is there's always a bunch of douche b's that want to get crap signed so they can sell it on eBay. I effin' hate them and they were there in force.

A: Always, B: Be, C: Charming

Always Be Charming

It was a fun way to spend Valentine's Day, but I had to drive back and go to work. After an awesome day, a little kid in a wheel chair snapped my happy ass back down to reality and told me I looked like Miley Cyrus. I took it as a compliment since he was a kid and had no way of knowing she's actually a gangling weirdo. Then his Mom chimed in and said I must get that all the time. Thank you life,even though you gave me lemons to make lemonade with, you always make sure to squirt a little juice in my eye, just to keep it real!

Educate Yo' Self: Song my blog title is referencing

Let Me Entertain You

Looking for Sea Otters in Cambria.

So...my writing class has started back up again, the first thing to break open the cocoon of hell that was this horrible summer. I couldn't wait to start up again because I needed something going on in my life that was fun.

After week two of class I was "volunteered" to be in an improv beauty pagent one day before it was to happen!! I have never acted or improved anything, but I figured 'oh well, I won't know anyone watching except for my writing friends, so who cares?' I got my two costumes; one gown and one leisure wear and I was set. I got to Second City and waited around with my Stage Mama,Sasha, until it was time to get ready. The Sassy Gay Friend Show was before the show I was in and it was sold out. So as that show is going on the girls in my show got changed backstage. Before long Brain Gallivan (Sassy Gay Friend) came back and took a look at all of us and points to me and says, "You're going to win this." See, gay men can not resist me, even when I'm in costume. Too bad I'm not that irresistable to straight men! All my writing friends came and even one of the new guys from our class came out, which was really nice.

 We go on in our gown looks:

Center Stage

(After my cat pooped on me during show and tell in second grade, nothing embarrasses me anymore...clearly.)

My leisure outfit was this sweet number:

Yes my talent, as choosen by the audience, was tap dancing...that was just dandy!

I didn't win, but that's ok because I'm surprised I even did it.  As I was changing an older dude came back  and talked to everyone and after he left I asked one of the girls who he was. Oh, just the owner of all the Second Cities. If I would have known he was in the audience, I would have been super nervous so thank God I had no clue!

With my old lady makeup still on, I drove to Bakersfield to go to Cambria with my Mom and Scottish Granny for her birthday. It's nice and foggy over there. We had lunch, went to the kniting shop for what  probably felt like an eternity to my Mom, who doesn't knit, and had a wee sweetie.

The next day I went out to Grandma's and got a whole bunch of old pictures, my GG's coffee table and an AWESOME cat ring. Baller Status!

So, things are looking up, my class is going well. But the topper to all the good things is that 30 Rock is back. Yes, I still have a very good relationship with TV and last night's episode was fantastic. I couldn't get my favorite clip of Jack seducing a gay man...his tricks would have worked on me, especially the old hand through the hair. Yummers! But here's my second favorite scene of the night.

We'll see how long things so well for me. I'm sure I'll Lemon all this good stuff some how!