"Muwwhahahaa, I am far more fabulous than you Marie!!"
So...am I the gay man's only answer for procreation since Liza Minnelli, Cher, Bette Midler and Babs' lady bits are all dried up and covered with cob webs?
I was at work today and my first table was a gay couple. I knew they were in love with me from the start. "O.M.G. We were just commenting on how your earrings go perfectly with your hair and your flawless skin." Thank you for noticing queens. I actually told them, "Oh well I've got to do something since I'm pale and in California." And pointed to my hair. Apparently that was hi-larious to them and they were eating out of my hands from then on. They said they wished I would have their kids.
To anyone else, that would be a shocking statement. Not to this moi. That's the THIRD time that's happened, at work. I've gotten it multiple times in my private life. The best one at work was a gay that said, "Have my baby!! I want it to be just as ssss-assy as you!" To which I responded, "You can't breed this!"
I don't mind it when gay men lust after my fantastic genetics and uterus. I can't blame them since I love all the things old gay men love. One of my friends in my comedy writing class told me I was like Nathan Lane with tits. If I'm going to be compared to some old queen it better be someone better than Nathan Lane, someone with taste and wit and the right amount of bitchiness. Someone like, Paul Lynde.
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
(Don't know who he was? Yes you do. He was the center square in the original 'Hollywood Squares' Show, the dad from 'Bye, Bye Birdie', the voice of Tempelton the Rat in 'Charlotte's Web' and most famously, Uncle Arthur on 'Bewitched.' (For those of you who saw the movie version of Bewitched, Steve Carrell did a great impersonation of him...basically the only good part in the whole thing!))
I suppose I should be flattered because if there weren't gay dudes out there knocking up hot ladies there would never be a Liza Minnelli...I guess I'm Judy Garland in this situation. She was in love with Clark Gable, sang him an awesome song, then married a string of gay men....I guess I just need to write my song to some hot, older, salt and pepper dude to really get this ball rolling!
So...The Oscars are this Sunday and guess who not going to be at work that day? This moi! I have always enjoyed watching the awards but this time it's different, this time it's 4 hours of Alec Baldwin(and Steve Martin)!!! I know, I know, Steve's done it before but come on, look at the ad, who's going to give you a better time? Not Steve.
Most people watch the awards now to see who's wearing what. Fashions have certainly changed in the 82 years. Here's a little tasty taste of how things have gone down hill and crashed into a manure truck. (Yes I just made a Biff reference in my Oscar blog!)
1930's:
Mary Pickford with her fur draped in the background.
1940's
Loretta Young and her HUGE dress
1950's
I see crazy people. At least Bette Davis wore a neat little bejeweled cap to cover her bald head (shaved for a role) and look how classy Grace Kelly looks with her gloves(too bad she was a skank. It's true Mom.) and how unfat Marlon Brando was. Ahhh, those were the days!
1960's
Audry Hepburn and Julia Andrews playing it safe
1970's
And here we go, overly tanned, sweaty but HUGE diamonds make up for everything.
Let's take a closer look
OK, that makes up for how crappy the 70's were. Thank you Liz Taylor.
1980's
Could you imagine having to sit behind that head dress? You might as well have stayed home because the view would be better on TV.
1990's
No.
2000's
Uh oh, someone was drunk when they got dressed. Well, at least you know she's havin' a goooood time!
Some people actually watch the show to see if their favorite movie will win any awards. This year they have 10 movies nominated in the Best Film category instead of 5. They made more nominees because there are just TOO many good movies out now a days. Really? There are more good movies made now than in 1939? Here are some theatrical masterpieces from 2009: Paul Blart Mall Cop, Ace Ventura 3, Fired Up, Lesbian Vampire Killers,GI Joe, All About Steve, and Jennifer's Body. All modern day classics I'm sure.
The only movies nominated for the big one that I've seen are Up and Inglorious Bastards. Now, you really can't go wrong with killin' Nazis but Up was really, really good. I don't think it will win Best Picture but will for sure win Best Animated Film.
Below is a list of all the Best Picture Winners, if I've seen them and if I thought they were any good. (And that's right, I didn't like Casablanca!) That's one thing I like about the movies, people get very heated about their favorite films and why they love them and why your favorites suck.
Anyway, see how many you've seen.
YEAR/ MOVIE TITLE SEEN Any Good?
1928 (1st) Wings, Sunrise
1929 (2nd) The Broadway Melody
1930 (3rd) All Quiet on the Western Front
1931 (4th) Grand Hotel, Cimarron
1932 (5th) Grand Hotel
1933 (6th) Cavalcade
1934 (7th) It Happened One Night X X
1935 (8th) Mutiny on the Bounty
1936 (9th) The Great Ziegfeld
1937 (10th) The Life of Émile Zola
1938 (11th) You Can't Take It With You
1939 (12th) Gone with the Wind X MY FAVORITE
1940 (13th) Rebecca
1941 (14th) How Green Was My Valley
1942 (15th) Mrs. Miniver X OK
1943 (16th) Casablanca X
1944 (17th) Going My Way
1945 (18th) The Lost Weekend
1946 (19th) The Best Years of Our Lives X OK
1947 (20th) Gentleman's Agreement
1948 (21st) Hamlet
1949 (22nd) All the King's Men
1950 (23rd) All about Eve X X
1951 (24th) An American in Paris X OK
1952 (25th) The Greatest Show on Earth
1953 (26th) From Here to Eternity X
1954 (27th) On the Waterfront
1955 (28th) Marty
1956 (29th) Around the World in 80 Days
1957 (30th) The Bridge on the River Kwai X OK
1958 (31st) Gigi X X
1959 (32nd) Ben-Hur
1960 (33rd) The Apartment
1961 (34th) West Side Story X
1962 (35th) Lawrence of Arabia X
1963 (36th) Tom Jones
1964 (37th) My Fair Lady X X
1965 (38th) The Sound of Music X X
1966 (39th) A Man for All Seasons
1967 (40th) In the Heat of the Night
1968 (41st) Oliver!
1969 (42nd) Midnight Cowboy
1970 (43rd) Patton
1971 (44th) The French Connection
1972 (45th) The Godfather X X
1973 (46th) The Sting
1974 (47th) The Godfather Part II X X
1975 (48th) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest X
1976 (49th) Rocky X
1977 (50th) Annie Hall
1978 (51st) The Deer Hunter
1979 (52nd) Kramer vs. Kramer X X
1980 (53rd) Ordinary People
1981 (54th) Chariots of Fire
1982 (55th) Gandhi
1983 (56th) Terms of Endearment
1984 (57th) Amadeus
1985 (58th) Out of Africa X X
1986 (59th) Platoon
1987 (60th) The Last Emperor
1988 (61st) Rain Man X DEFINATELY 21
1989 (62nd) Driving Miss Daisy X X
1990 (63rd) Dances With Wolves
1991 (64th) The Silence of the Lambs
1992 (65th) Unforgiven X X
1993 (66th) Schindler's List
1994 (67th) Forrest Gump X X
1995 (68th) Braveheart X X
1996 (69th) The English Patient
1997 (70th) Titanic X X
1998 (71st) Shakespeare in Love X X
1999 (72nd) American Beauty X X
2000 (73rd) Gladiator X X
2001 (74th) A Beautiful Mind
2002 (75th) Chicago X
2003 (76th) The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King X
2004 (77th) Million Dollar Baby
2005 (78th) Crash
2006 (79th) The Departed X X
2007 (80th) No Country for Old Men
2008 (81th) Slumdog Millionaire
To futher get you in the mood here is some music from the Golden Age of Hollywood (when they actually made good films) on an organ, similar to one that would have played in an old movie house.
That old timer playing the organ is pretty bad ass....I think I'm the only person that thinks organ playing is bad ass.
So... I LOVE the movie Tootsie. I don't know why but I love everything about that film. Even the cheesy 80's soft rock as performed by the very mellow, Stephen Bishop.
I want Tootsie to be my best friend, she is AWESOME!! She can do hair and make up and ask you deep questions randomly without making you feel uneasy. I find her voice the most comforting voice of all time, I hope God sounds like that. Yes, my heaven is full of drag queens and frosting, whatever at least it'll be a party! And I am a Taurus and we have a strong drag influence. Don't believe me, go ask Cher, Barbara or Bea. All Taurus and all have a definite link to drag, so I blame it on the stars.
I know she's really a dude, OK, I have seen the movie about a million time but I still think she's perfect for Les. And let's all face it, Dustin Hoffman is WAY more attractive as a lady than as himself. Hell, he's more attractive as Captain Hook!
Anyways, while looking on the Inter webs today I found this interesting interview about a behind the scenes Tootsie moment. It was like a Valentine's gift to myself. It's funny so I hope you enjoy it.
"Muwwhahahaa, I am far more fabulous than you Marie!!"
So...am I the gay man's only answer for procreation since Liza Minnelli, Cher, Bette Midler and Babs' lady bits are all dried up and covered with cob webs?
I was at work today and my first table was a gay couple. I knew they were in love with me from the start. "O.M.G. We were just commenting on how your earrings go perfectly with your hair and your flawless skin." Thank you for noticing queens. I actually told them, "Oh well I've got to do something since I'm pale and in California." And pointed to my hair. Apparently that was hi-larious to them and they were eating out of my hands from then on. They said they wished I would have their kids.
To anyone else, that would be a shocking statement. Not to this moi. That's the THIRD time that's happened, at work. I've gotten it multiple times in my private life. The best one at work was a gay that said, "Have my baby!! I want it to be just as ssss-assy as you!" To which I responded, "You can't breed this!"
I don't mind it when gay men lust after my fantastic genetics and uterus. I can't blame them since I love all the things old gay men love. One of my friends in my comedy writing class told me I was like Nathan Lane with tits. If I'm going to be compared to some old queen it better be someone better than Nathan Lane, someone with taste and wit and the right amount of bitchiness. Someone like, Paul Lynde.
Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.
(Don't know who he was? Yes you do. He was the center square in the original 'Hollywood Squares' Show, the dad from 'Bye, Bye Birdie', the voice of Tempelton the Rat in 'Charlotte's Web' and most famously, Uncle Arthur on 'Bewitched.' (For those of you who saw the movie version of Bewitched, Steve Carrell did a great impersonation of him...basically the only good part in the whole thing!))
I suppose I should be flattered because if there weren't gay dudes out there knocking up hot ladies there would never be a Liza Minnelli...I guess I'm Judy Garland in this situation. She was in love with Clark Gable, sang him an awesome song, then married a string of gay men....I guess I just need to write my song to some hot, older, salt and pepper dude to really get this ball rolling!
So...The Oscars are this Sunday and guess who not going to be at work that day? This moi! I have always enjoyed watching the awards but this time it's different, this time it's 4 hours of Alec Baldwin(and Steve Martin)!!! I know, I know, Steve's done it before but come on, look at the ad, who's going to give you a better time? Not Steve.
Most people watch the awards now to see who's wearing what. Fashions have certainly changed in the 82 years. Here's a little tasty taste of how things have gone down hill and crashed into a manure truck. (Yes I just made a Biff reference in my Oscar blog!)
1930's:
Mary Pickford with her fur draped in the background.
1940's
Loretta Young and her HUGE dress
1950's
I see crazy people. At least Bette Davis wore a neat little bejeweled cap to cover her bald head (shaved for a role) and look how classy Grace Kelly looks with her gloves(too bad she was a skank. It's true Mom.) and how unfat Marlon Brando was. Ahhh, those were the days!
1960's
Audry Hepburn and Julia Andrews playing it safe
1970's
And here we go, overly tanned, sweaty but HUGE diamonds make up for everything.
Let's take a closer look
OK, that makes up for how crappy the 70's were. Thank you Liz Taylor.
1980's
Could you imagine having to sit behind that head dress? You might as well have stayed home because the view would be better on TV.
1990's
No.
2000's
Uh oh, someone was drunk when they got dressed. Well, at least you know she's havin' a goooood time!
Some people actually watch the show to see if their favorite movie will win any awards. This year they have 10 movies nominated in the Best Film category instead of 5. They made more nominees because there are just TOO many good movies out now a days. Really? There are more good movies made now than in 1939? Here are some theatrical masterpieces from 2009: Paul Blart Mall Cop, Ace Ventura 3, Fired Up, Lesbian Vampire Killers,GI Joe, All About Steve, and Jennifer's Body. All modern day classics I'm sure.
The only movies nominated for the big one that I've seen are Up and Inglorious Bastards. Now, you really can't go wrong with killin' Nazis but Up was really, really good. I don't think it will win Best Picture but will for sure win Best Animated Film.
Below is a list of all the Best Picture Winners, if I've seen them and if I thought they were any good. (And that's right, I didn't like Casablanca!) That's one thing I like about the movies, people get very heated about their favorite films and why they love them and why your favorites suck.
Anyway, see how many you've seen.
YEAR/ MOVIE TITLE SEEN Any Good?
1928 (1st) Wings, Sunrise
1929 (2nd) The Broadway Melody
1930 (3rd) All Quiet on the Western Front
1931 (4th) Grand Hotel, Cimarron
1932 (5th) Grand Hotel
1933 (6th) Cavalcade
1934 (7th) It Happened One Night X X
1935 (8th) Mutiny on the Bounty
1936 (9th) The Great Ziegfeld
1937 (10th) The Life of Émile Zola
1938 (11th) You Can't Take It With You
1939 (12th) Gone with the Wind X MY FAVORITE
1940 (13th) Rebecca
1941 (14th) How Green Was My Valley
1942 (15th) Mrs. Miniver X OK
1943 (16th) Casablanca X
1944 (17th) Going My Way
1945 (18th) The Lost Weekend
1946 (19th) The Best Years of Our Lives X OK
1947 (20th) Gentleman's Agreement
1948 (21st) Hamlet
1949 (22nd) All the King's Men
1950 (23rd) All about Eve X X
1951 (24th) An American in Paris X OK
1952 (25th) The Greatest Show on Earth
1953 (26th) From Here to Eternity X
1954 (27th) On the Waterfront
1955 (28th) Marty
1956 (29th) Around the World in 80 Days
1957 (30th) The Bridge on the River Kwai X OK
1958 (31st) Gigi X X
1959 (32nd) Ben-Hur
1960 (33rd) The Apartment
1961 (34th) West Side Story X
1962 (35th) Lawrence of Arabia X
1963 (36th) Tom Jones
1964 (37th) My Fair Lady X X
1965 (38th) The Sound of Music X X
1966 (39th) A Man for All Seasons
1967 (40th) In the Heat of the Night
1968 (41st) Oliver!
1969 (42nd) Midnight Cowboy
1970 (43rd) Patton
1971 (44th) The French Connection
1972 (45th) The Godfather X X
1973 (46th) The Sting
1974 (47th) The Godfather Part II X X
1975 (48th) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest X
1976 (49th) Rocky X
1977 (50th) Annie Hall
1978 (51st) The Deer Hunter
1979 (52nd) Kramer vs. Kramer X X
1980 (53rd) Ordinary People
1981 (54th) Chariots of Fire
1982 (55th) Gandhi
1983 (56th) Terms of Endearment
1984 (57th) Amadeus
1985 (58th) Out of Africa X X
1986 (59th) Platoon
1987 (60th) The Last Emperor
1988 (61st) Rain Man X DEFINATELY 21
1989 (62nd) Driving Miss Daisy X X
1990 (63rd) Dances With Wolves
1991 (64th) The Silence of the Lambs
1992 (65th) Unforgiven X X
1993 (66th) Schindler's List
1994 (67th) Forrest Gump X X
1995 (68th) Braveheart X X
1996 (69th) The English Patient
1997 (70th) Titanic X X
1998 (71st) Shakespeare in Love X X
1999 (72nd) American Beauty X X
2000 (73rd) Gladiator X X
2001 (74th) A Beautiful Mind
2002 (75th) Chicago X
2003 (76th) The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King X
2004 (77th) Million Dollar Baby
2005 (78th) Crash
2006 (79th) The Departed X X
2007 (80th) No Country for Old Men
2008 (81th) Slumdog Millionaire
To futher get you in the mood here is some music from the Golden Age of Hollywood (when they actually made good films) on an organ, similar to one that would have played in an old movie house.
That old timer playing the organ is pretty bad ass....I think I'm the only person that thinks organ playing is bad ass.
So... I LOVE the movie Tootsie. I don't know why but I love everything about that film. Even the cheesy 80's soft rock as performed by the very mellow, Stephen Bishop.
I want Tootsie to be my best friend, she is AWESOME!! She can do hair and make up and ask you deep questions randomly without making you feel uneasy. I find her voice the most comforting voice of all time, I hope God sounds like that. Yes, my heaven is full of drag queens and frosting, whatever at least it'll be a party! And I am a Taurus and we have a strong drag influence. Don't believe me, go ask Cher, Barbara or Bea. All Taurus and all have a definite link to drag, so I blame it on the stars.
I know she's really a dude, OK, I have seen the movie about a million time but I still think she's perfect for Les. And let's all face it, Dustin Hoffman is WAY more attractive as a lady than as himself. Hell, he's more attractive as Captain Hook!
Anyways, while looking on the Inter webs today I found this interesting interview about a behind the scenes Tootsie moment. It was like a Valentine's gift to myself. It's funny so I hope you enjoy it.
I have no gaydar, I have a cat named Mr.Bojangles, who is probably gay come to think of it, and I'm surrounded by stupid turds. So...like a big breasted Liz Lemon.
