It's it Romantic?

So...while running at the gym tonight I saw a story on Night line about how the romantic comedy is dead. The interviewee, a supposed expert, really had nothing to contribute, but the story did get me thinking.

It's true, I haven't seen a great romantic comedy in a while. The ones that I have seen are almost always with the same actresses (Jennifer Aniston or Lopez, both need  to go away or Kathrine Heigl, meh) and some meathead with a hot bod as the leading man. I know that there are about a million screenplays submited a year and I wonder what idiot thought, "Another Jennifer Aniston rom com? She has a lame love life in reality so, I'll cut her a break and give her a good fake one...for the third time this year."

Most of the newer "rom coms" (I effing hate that term) are either all about sex or a guide to being a slut. I know that is a trend with girls, to sleep with a guy and then get to know him (not me, I just happen to know some crazy skanks who clearly like to overshare.) I think we need movies that teach women to act like women and get men to be romantic because clearly, that is a lost art.Women bitch and moan about how there are no romantic men left, well close your legs and make them be romantic. If you want to be a whore, start charging and stop whining.


What happened to dapper men that were charming and made the audience fall in love with them? Clark Gable, Paul Newman, Bill Holden and even light in his loaffers, Rock Hudson would charm the pants of you. And not all of them were hot; Jimmy Stewart was not a stud but he was the Tom Hanks of his day, a nice guy that anyone would want to be with.

I digress. This new turd is about to breeze into theathers this month.

'No Strings Attached' is about sex buddies. I'll save you the $10 for the ticket and the $15 for snacks and 2 hrs of having to watch Aston Kutcher's craptastic acting and tell you to turn on VH1 tomorrow at 5PM and watch 'When Harry Met Sally' for free where you can find out that men and women can not, infact, be sex buddies without someone's feelings getting hurt.

Someone needs to put the romance back into the romantic comedy STAT because it's not dead, just on life support.

***What's your favorite romantic comedy?***

Circle Gets My Sqaure

"Muwwhahahaa, I am far more fabulous than you Marie!!"

So...am I the gay man's only answer for procreation since Liza Minnelli, Cher, Bette Midler and Babs' lady bits are all dried up and covered with cob webs?

I was at work today and my first table was a gay couple. I knew they were in love with me from the start. "O.M.G. We were just commenting on how your earrings go perfectly with your hair and your flawless skin." Thank you for noticing queens. I actually told them, "Oh well I've got to do something since I'm pale and in California." And pointed to my hair. Apparently that was hi-larious to them and they were eating out of my hands from then on. They said they wished I would have their kids.

To anyone else, that would be a shocking statement. Not to this moi. That's the THIRD time that's happened, at work. I've gotten it multiple times in my private life. The best one at work was a gay that said, "Have my baby!! I want it to be just as ssss-assy as you!" To which I responded, "You can't breed this!"

I don't mind it when gay men lust after my fantastic genetics and uterus. I can't blame them since I love all the things old gay men love. One of my friends in my comedy writing class told me I was like Nathan Lane with tits. If I'm going to be compared to some old queen it better be someone better than Nathan Lane, someone with taste and wit and the right amount of bitchiness. Someone like, Paul Lynde.

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, "Every woman I've been intimate with in my life has been..." What?

Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

 

(Don't know who he was? Yes you do. He was the center square in the original 'Hollywood Squares' Show, the dad from 'Bye, Bye Birdie', the voice of Tempelton the Rat in 'Charlotte's Web' and most famously, Uncle Arthur on 'Bewitched.' (For those of you who saw the movie version of Bewitched, Steve Carrell did a great impersonation of him...basically the only good part in the whole thing!))

 

I suppose I should be flattered because if there weren't gay dudes out there knocking up hot ladies there would never be a Liza Minnelli...I guess I'm Judy Garland in this situation. She was in love with Clark Gable, sang him an awesome song, then married a string of gay men....I guess I just need to write my song to some hot, older, salt and pepper dude to really get this ball rolling!

Marty!! We've got to go back!!

They had style, they had grace

So...I got to Hollywood Blvd. early for my class tonight and decided to wander around. It was daylight so I was safer than it being at night. I've walked past this theater and it always makes me sad. Clearly it once was a really neat theater and now it's all boarded up. I did a little research and found out that this spot is apparently very haunted because in 1901 it was an elementary school that burnt down killing 25 kids and a teacher. The theater was built in 1936 and was in use until 1995. There are a lot of neat old buildings on Hollywood Blvd. that, in a past life would have been some really swingin', happening places. It reminded me of Back to the Future. How things were once awesome and now they are all dirty and scary because people are all buttholes now.

Ice, Ice Baby

As I went about my little adventure to look into the past I really found one from my family's past. Jack Warner was the ice boy to my Great-Great Grandpa Abraham Goldberg. Jack apparently asked Ab if he wanted to go into the Nickelodeon (WAY before it was the name of a cable network) business with him and my stupid Great-Great Grandpa said, "I've got enough money." What an un-Jewish answer...they can NEVER have enough money!!!

Walk like an...

One landmark that has not turned to rubble was the Egyptian Theater. It open in 1922, just a month before King Tut's tomb was discovered  and was built, in my opinion, in a much more opulent manner than Grauman's Chinese just down the street.

See the pyramids along the Nile...

This doesn't even lead anywhere! Now that's crazy money!!

Slide your feet up the street bend your back...

Near the glass doors they have a schedule posted with all the movies they are playing for the month listed. On May 1st they are playing all three Back to the Future movies. I'm like a psychic! I text Harry to tell him he should come for a visit to watch all three...apparently there is suppose to be a special guest at the end of the showing. Maybe it'll be someone awesome like Doc Brown or someone less awesome like Bliff, either way that's cool.

I walk down the lane, with a happy refrain...

I couldn't get any closer to this building but it was really pretty and had a lot of detail. I wonder what it once was? Now it's stuck next to these two crappy souvenir shops. Poor little building.

Shoobie, Doobie, Doo...

I didn't know THIS place is the oldest Italian place in Hollywood since 1949. If they drove all the other Italian places out of town they did a bad job because Musso and Franks serves Italian and as been around since 1919. Someone needs to fix their sign but that mosaic is pretty cool.

While walking down to Grauman's Chinese I saw a girl flip out when she came across Marilyn Monroe's star on the Walk of Fame. She yelled and then kissed her hand and touched the ground. Maybe she thinks these people are buried under the stars, I don't know, but it was gross.

The Lady, She's a Tramp...

I wear the same shoe size as Sinatra. We could do a Tootsie like movie together where he borrows all my clothes...hilarious!

You Made Me Love You, I Didn't Wanna Do It...

Why does Gable's prints have a brass boarder? Did Lucy and Ethel try and steal this one too??

MAME...

Rosalind Russell as Auntie Mame reminds me of my crazy Grandma M. And my feet are WAY bigger than ol' Roz's tootsies.

I had to hoof it back to my class down the street but I did have a fun little adventure in only an hour before class.