Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Moguls, Movies and The Cold

So...after my class on Thursday I went to The Grove/Farmers Market in LA. TCM is doing a 7 part documentary called Moguls and Movie Stars and there was an exhibit  for 2 days only. All the Christmas stuff was up and it was 75 degrees out, yea, super wintry!
Two of my classmates and I were to met up for lunch at a Brazilian food place. As I walked there I saw that MAC make up was having a huge Scottish makeup event and the little Asian queen in the photo below saw me and made a beeline.

HELLOOOO!!
 It was really loud but all I could hear was, "You have great hair," and he shoved a tartan flower thing (below) in my hand and a booklet. Thanks gay guy.


 I went to the exhibit, which I had been looking forward to ever since I heard about it. It wasn't very big, but, it was free so I couldn't really complain. I was interviewed by a TCM employee before I started. She was really nice and I'm sure, was just happy to be talking to someone with out a hearing aide! If you think I'm being mean, I'm not. I was the youngest one there by 60 years and the most mobile. Basically, I was amongst my people.

In between the costumes there were interactive stands that you could look at scripts, watch parts of the documentary series or take quizzes. They had the Oscar from Casablanca there and on one of the screens you could look at Jack Warner's handwritten address book. I thought that was pretty neat because it had phone numbers how they used to be. (Example: Circle-7-2099)


The outfit Marilyn Monroe wore in 'Niagara' was right next to the J. Crew store. I thought it was funny because that outfit (above) is very simple and stylish and it was side by side to a store that thinks it's giving that to the public, when really, it's just over priced crap.

Valentino's outfit from 'The Sheik' is almost one hundred years old and was in fantastic shape.

This was what I was the MOST excited about, clearly. It was one of Scarlett O'Hara's dresses in 'Gone With The Wind', my favorite movie of all time and space. (It's the dress she wore while driving through Shanty Town, not the most glamorous but it was still pretty.) It was a little stained and torn and I read on the plaque in front of it that it was lent out at a Halloween costume!!! Could you imagine getting to wear that to a party! Jeez.

As I left I stumbled across this gaggle of geeks, waiting for the new Harry Potter movie to come out. Look how excited they are to be out of their mom's basements!

I also saw this cute dog. His master is a total douche who uses him to get chick's attention. Sorry dog, bite him in the ba-doobies.

I then drove up to where I'm from to see Lisa Lampanelli Live. I was feeling sick but thought I would get over it, HA. (The night before a dirty kid at work coughed DIRECTLY in my mouth as I was taking his table's order. I Bea Artured those parents SO bad.) I went to the show (I paid for it and yes,I am that much of a tightwad.), but I was in a NyQuil hangover for the rest of the weekend. I would like to thank HBO for having 'Tootsie' on nonstop while I in and out of naps on Fridays. That was wonderful.

Me, my best friend Smaptie and her parents before the show.





Monday, November 15, 2010

A Side of Judgement

Today's Special: HATRED


So...the holidays are coming. People are looking forward to spending time with their families and having vacation time. Not me. I serve at a place that is open 365 days a year and pretends to give a damn about American traditions. (Wouldn't one of those traditions be spending time at HOME on a holiday? Hmmm.)
Even though I am used to this, it doesn't mean I like it. I don't think anything should be open on the holidays, except the ER. Heart attacks don't know it's Christmas, so they get a free pass. I don't understand wanting to go anywhere on Thanksgiving or Christmas. All I want to do is eat, sleep and then repeat that pattern a few times between Trivial Pursuit matches. I don't want to go shopping or to the movies and I definitely don't want to go to a friggin' theme park after eating a huge meal.

I know some of my friends go out on these days and I would like to take this time to tell them this;  I'm judging you. I think you are horrible and selfish for doing this. YOU are the reason someone else's holiday is effed, YOU selfish buttholes. STAY HOME. You don't know how to cook, figure it out dummies. You are bored, get a book. Don't go out because I guarantee you the person helping you when you go out hates you to your core.

Every table I serve on the holidays I hate. They are horrible people and my Bea Arthur judgement is crystal clear on those days. These people aren't even enjoying their day either, they are too busy bitching at their hell babies. What a waste of their day and more importantly, MINE! Did Home Alone teach my generation nothing? Going away for the holidays sucks. Stay home with your weird uncle, chatty grandma and cousins. DUH!!

Random Related Rant: People with boyfriends and girlfriends, stop pretending you are married. I do not understand stressing out about going to your boyfriend's parents house on the holidays and whining about having to eat two dinners in one day. I have had boyfriends during the holidays and I never even thought, 'Oh I better go to his parents' house for turkey and stuffing too.' Nope, I looked down at my hand, didn't see a wedding ring and said, "See you on the 26th. Your Mom's a bad cook and I don't HAVE to eat her crappy cooking yet, so I'm going to my house...where they know how to cook." Plus, you'll probably break up and like a dummy, you dedicated time to a family you won't even be in anyways. I'll tie both rants up in a neat little bow: STAY HOME!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Am I on Candid Camera?

Not honey, not sweetie, not tootsie, it's Dorothy, D-O-R-O-T-H-Y, Dorothy.

So...I was watching Tina Fey on Letterman tonight and she put up a photo of what she was for Halloween. Tootsie. Really, Tina?
It is a joke between some of my friends that I am the embodiment of Liz Lemon. It's not something I'm proud of because as Tina Fey said herself, "Liz Lemon is a more pathetic version of myself." Ouch. But the truth is supposed to hurt.

Liz Lemon=Moi
  • Dated gay men
  • Therefore has no gaydar
  • Hates people that break rules
  • Loves hot dogs
  • Mistaken for a lesbian
  • Can not be sexy
  • Had horrible boyfriends
  • Talks to food about her problems
  • Star Wars Nerd
  • Been a beard
  • Loves Show tunes
  • Has a foot secret
  • Loves UNO
  • People think she's racist
  • Judges with facial expressions
  • Tries to be nice
  • Endanger of being an old spinster
  • Would rather have men buy her food, than drinks
  • Stays up all night writing
  • Uncomfortable with sexual stuff (Yep, not a skank.)
  • Loves ham
  • Horrible dancers
  • Has great relationship with TV
I could keep going for a while more, but you get the point.


But the Tootsie thing is the LIMIT! No one loves Tootsie more than me...NO ONE!! You need to stop with the hidden cameras (unless Stacey and Clinton are going to pop out, then that's OK) Tina, no more stealing my life. I need to capitalize on it first, damn it!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

If I were a Gay Man...

Use your creative skills gay dudes, Bea Arthur is harshly judging you from her thrown in Heaven.

So...this Halloween I saw and heard about plenty of gay dudes' costumes. I hate to say it but I was underwhelmed. Although it made me think about what I would do if I were a gay man. (Then that made me think about writing a song to the tune of 'If I Were a Rich Man' from Fiddler on the Roof...but I didn't do that, you're welcome.)

Here's a list of awesome costumes I would wear....if I were a gay man:
  • Julia Child, you could even make it the bloody version a la Dan Aykroyd on SNL.
  • Bea Arthur, perfect for the very tall man.
  • The cast of Golden Girls, if you have enough people.
  • Tootsie (duh.)
  • Freddie Mercury: Speedos, suspenders and a mustache. Slutty and funny, every one's happy!
  • The cast of Some Like It Hot.
  • Glinda the Good Witch, something fun for fairies!
  • Mrs. Doubtfire
  • Joan Crawford, bring plenty of wire hangers.
  • Liz Taylor, but the crazy version in a wheel chair.
  • Carol Burnett's version of Scarlett O'Hara
  • Annie and Daddy Warbucks
  • Charles Nelson Reiley
I could go on, but I like the costumes that are not the typical ones drag queens wear. Any who, keep it in mind for next year gay dudes. Just remember, Bea and I are watching...and judging.
    "Oswald, I'm a man."
    "Nobody's perfect."
    Side note: I met a little chubster at work who told me he was going to be a Rough Rider for Halloween. He started to explain what they were and I told him I totally knew and Teddy is my FAVORITE President ever and gave him a sweet high five. That kid is awesome and creative.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Moguls, Movies and The Cold

So...after my class on Thursday I went to The Grove/Farmers Market in LA. TCM is doing a 7 part documentary called Moguls and Movie Stars and there was an exhibit  for 2 days only. All the Christmas stuff was up and it was 75 degrees out, yea, super wintry!
Two of my classmates and I were to met up for lunch at a Brazilian food place. As I walked there I saw that MAC make up was having a huge Scottish makeup event and the little Asian queen in the photo below saw me and made a beeline.

HELLOOOO!!
 It was really loud but all I could hear was, "You have great hair," and he shoved a tartan flower thing (below) in my hand and a booklet. Thanks gay guy.


 I went to the exhibit, which I had been looking forward to ever since I heard about it. It wasn't very big, but, it was free so I couldn't really complain. I was interviewed by a TCM employee before I started. She was really nice and I'm sure, was just happy to be talking to someone with out a hearing aide! If you think I'm being mean, I'm not. I was the youngest one there by 60 years and the most mobile. Basically, I was amongst my people.

In between the costumes there were interactive stands that you could look at scripts, watch parts of the documentary series or take quizzes. They had the Oscar from Casablanca there and on one of the screens you could look at Jack Warner's handwritten address book. I thought that was pretty neat because it had phone numbers how they used to be. (Example: Circle-7-2099)


The outfit Marilyn Monroe wore in 'Niagara' was right next to the J. Crew store. I thought it was funny because that outfit (above) is very simple and stylish and it was side by side to a store that thinks it's giving that to the public, when really, it's just over priced crap.

Valentino's outfit from 'The Sheik' is almost one hundred years old and was in fantastic shape.

This was what I was the MOST excited about, clearly. It was one of Scarlett O'Hara's dresses in 'Gone With The Wind', my favorite movie of all time and space. (It's the dress she wore while driving through Shanty Town, not the most glamorous but it was still pretty.) It was a little stained and torn and I read on the plaque in front of it that it was lent out at a Halloween costume!!! Could you imagine getting to wear that to a party! Jeez.

As I left I stumbled across this gaggle of geeks, waiting for the new Harry Potter movie to come out. Look how excited they are to be out of their mom's basements!

I also saw this cute dog. His master is a total douche who uses him to get chick's attention. Sorry dog, bite him in the ba-doobies.

I then drove up to where I'm from to see Lisa Lampanelli Live. I was feeling sick but thought I would get over it, HA. (The night before a dirty kid at work coughed DIRECTLY in my mouth as I was taking his table's order. I Bea Artured those parents SO bad.) I went to the show (I paid for it and yes,I am that much of a tightwad.), but I was in a NyQuil hangover for the rest of the weekend. I would like to thank HBO for having 'Tootsie' on nonstop while I in and out of naps on Fridays. That was wonderful.

Me, my best friend Smaptie and her parents before the show.





Monday, November 15, 2010

A Side of Judgement

Today's Special: HATRED


So...the holidays are coming. People are looking forward to spending time with their families and having vacation time. Not me. I serve at a place that is open 365 days a year and pretends to give a damn about American traditions. (Wouldn't one of those traditions be spending time at HOME on a holiday? Hmmm.)
Even though I am used to this, it doesn't mean I like it. I don't think anything should be open on the holidays, except the ER. Heart attacks don't know it's Christmas, so they get a free pass. I don't understand wanting to go anywhere on Thanksgiving or Christmas. All I want to do is eat, sleep and then repeat that pattern a few times between Trivial Pursuit matches. I don't want to go shopping or to the movies and I definitely don't want to go to a friggin' theme park after eating a huge meal.

I know some of my friends go out on these days and I would like to take this time to tell them this;  I'm judging you. I think you are horrible and selfish for doing this. YOU are the reason someone else's holiday is effed, YOU selfish buttholes. STAY HOME. You don't know how to cook, figure it out dummies. You are bored, get a book. Don't go out because I guarantee you the person helping you when you go out hates you to your core.

Every table I serve on the holidays I hate. They are horrible people and my Bea Arthur judgement is crystal clear on those days. These people aren't even enjoying their day either, they are too busy bitching at their hell babies. What a waste of their day and more importantly, MINE! Did Home Alone teach my generation nothing? Going away for the holidays sucks. Stay home with your weird uncle, chatty grandma and cousins. DUH!!

Random Related Rant: People with boyfriends and girlfriends, stop pretending you are married. I do not understand stressing out about going to your boyfriend's parents house on the holidays and whining about having to eat two dinners in one day. I have had boyfriends during the holidays and I never even thought, 'Oh I better go to his parents' house for turkey and stuffing too.' Nope, I looked down at my hand, didn't see a wedding ring and said, "See you on the 26th. Your Mom's a bad cook and I don't HAVE to eat her crappy cooking yet, so I'm going to my house...where they know how to cook." Plus, you'll probably break up and like a dummy, you dedicated time to a family you won't even be in anyways. I'll tie both rants up in a neat little bow: STAY HOME!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Am I on Candid Camera?

Not honey, not sweetie, not tootsie, it's Dorothy, D-O-R-O-T-H-Y, Dorothy.

So...I was watching Tina Fey on Letterman tonight and she put up a photo of what she was for Halloween. Tootsie. Really, Tina?
It is a joke between some of my friends that I am the embodiment of Liz Lemon. It's not something I'm proud of because as Tina Fey said herself, "Liz Lemon is a more pathetic version of myself." Ouch. But the truth is supposed to hurt.

Liz Lemon=Moi
  • Dated gay men
  • Therefore has no gaydar
  • Hates people that break rules
  • Loves hot dogs
  • Mistaken for a lesbian
  • Can not be sexy
  • Had horrible boyfriends
  • Talks to food about her problems
  • Star Wars Nerd
  • Been a beard
  • Loves Show tunes
  • Has a foot secret
  • Loves UNO
  • People think she's racist
  • Judges with facial expressions
  • Tries to be nice
  • Endanger of being an old spinster
  • Would rather have men buy her food, than drinks
  • Stays up all night writing
  • Uncomfortable with sexual stuff (Yep, not a skank.)
  • Loves ham
  • Horrible dancers
  • Has great relationship with TV
I could keep going for a while more, but you get the point.


But the Tootsie thing is the LIMIT! No one loves Tootsie more than me...NO ONE!! You need to stop with the hidden cameras (unless Stacey and Clinton are going to pop out, then that's OK) Tina, no more stealing my life. I need to capitalize on it first, damn it!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

If I were a Gay Man...

Use your creative skills gay dudes, Bea Arthur is harshly judging you from her thrown in Heaven.

So...this Halloween I saw and heard about plenty of gay dudes' costumes. I hate to say it but I was underwhelmed. Although it made me think about what I would do if I were a gay man. (Then that made me think about writing a song to the tune of 'If I Were a Rich Man' from Fiddler on the Roof...but I didn't do that, you're welcome.)

Here's a list of awesome costumes I would wear....if I were a gay man:
  • Julia Child, you could even make it the bloody version a la Dan Aykroyd on SNL.
  • Bea Arthur, perfect for the very tall man.
  • The cast of Golden Girls, if you have enough people.
  • Tootsie (duh.)
  • Freddie Mercury: Speedos, suspenders and a mustache. Slutty and funny, every one's happy!
  • The cast of Some Like It Hot.
  • Glinda the Good Witch, something fun for fairies!
  • Mrs. Doubtfire
  • Joan Crawford, bring plenty of wire hangers.
  • Liz Taylor, but the crazy version in a wheel chair.
  • Carol Burnett's version of Scarlett O'Hara
  • Annie and Daddy Warbucks
  • Charles Nelson Reiley
I could go on, but I like the costumes that are not the typical ones drag queens wear. Any who, keep it in mind for next year gay dudes. Just remember, Bea and I are watching...and judging.
    "Oswald, I'm a man."
    "Nobody's perfect."
    Side note: I met a little chubster at work who told me he was going to be a Rough Rider for Halloween. He started to explain what they were and I told him I totally knew and Teddy is my FAVORITE President ever and gave him a sweet high five. That kid is awesome and creative.
 

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