That's Entertainment: A Star Is Born (ME!!)

Named after Teddy Badass Roosevelt

So...I went to the first TCM Classic Film Festival in Hollywood as a birthday present to myself. I was supposed to go to Vegas, but plans fell through and this turned out to be the best choice. The first day turned out to be a longggg day for me. I had to get up and get my dress from the tailor and go pick up my tickets to the festival, I was hemorrhaging money all day long! But I paid to go see the re-premire of Judy Garland's 'A Star Is Born.' WORTH IT!!

As I left the hotel to go beautify I was stopped by TCM to be interviewed. I was wearing my HUGE Jackie O sunglasses and they asked me to removed them. I lifted them up and said, "I'm not wearing any makeup, these are staying on." I was interviewed for about 10 minutes and ended up seeing that film crew at almost every event I went to, so we became pals.

Gettin' my hur did

I drove down to the DNA Salon on Beverly and saw Meredith Morris, who's AWESOME. She did my up do from photos I brought in of Joan from Mad Men and it was perfect. Then Rada Maksimovich did my make-up, very peachy and 60's ish.

Back of my 'do

I got into my dress and drove to Grauman's, very jittery about my first red carpet...anything! I played "I'm the Greatest Star," from Funny Girl to pump myself up. Oh and did I mention I was in 5 inch heels, please God, don't let me fall! I watched a how to walk in heels video from Oprah that really helped me.

Eli Wallach

There were two red carpets, one for the real stars .

And one for the no bodies who paid BANK to come were shooed inside like schoolkids late from recess. They could of at least had someone taking photos of us for fun!

In the lobby they had a few costumes from Judy Garland's various films scattered around.

The screen was HUGE

I went to see if I needed to sit down yet and since I was alone I figured I could sit where ever and stood in the lobby to watch the stars come off the red carpet. I saw Eli Wallach come in and two ladies in matching ruffly peach outfits (I later found out one of them was Ann Rutherford, Scarlet O'Hara's little sister!! WHAT!!) I saw some people that I knew but didn't know their names, because they were newer stars and then it happened, Alec Baldwin walked in.

To the surprise of myself mostly, I was very composed. He beelined to the popcorn counter and grabbed some treats and there were some skinny mousy girl, not dressed up and had her hair in a messy bun with him. They were not affectionate, but I still didn't care for her. He went to his seat so I figured I better find one myself. This old lady asked me if I worked there and while explaining that I didn't to her I heard in the back of my left eara deep gravely, " Excuse me."  I said, "Oh, pardon me." (How the hell was I so composed while dealing with my idea of perfection?!) He sat down, I found a seat that, oddly enough, was 7 seats away from Mr. Baldwin and nestled in between two of the most ignorant people I've ever met. This is what I felt like inside though,

Yes, the furthest ear is him.

Robert Osborne went up and spoke and got Alec Baldwin to come up with him ala The Essentials. I learned how to figure out the video aspect of my camera FAST!



Before the movie there was footage from the original premiere down the street at the Pantage. Lucy and Desi, Lauren Bacall and a bunch of others were interviewed and people clapped when each one came on screen. Dummy #1 to my right was there with her boyfriend, who could have saved himself $599 and left her at home to watch Gossip Girl, asked why people were clapping, those people weren't really there. I was clapping because I was exciting to see my favorite stars alive again on the big screen and for, oh, respect!

The movie began and it was wonderful. This song really stuck out to me:



(The bottom take is what was used.) It was one of the most perfect songs to see on a HUGE silver screen and made me truly appreciate movies as they should be seen as well as how Judy Garland should be seen. She seems to be one of those shoved down your throat like Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn but on the big screen with a loud soundtrack and passion behind the words, I GOT why she was/is so great. And yes I did tear up. Youtube doesn't do the song justice, it was wonderful.

in·ter·mis·sion/–noun

1.a short interval between the acts of a play or parts of a public performance, usually a period of approximately 10 or 15 minutes, allowing the performers and audience a rest.
 
Dummy #1 asks what is an intermission. I told her. She responded, "I don't know what else could be in the movie, it seems like it's done." I tell her, "Well, it's not, you have about 1.5 hrs left so you better get up." Please, go away and die because you are worthless were my thoughts. She went to get gummy bears which she smacked loudly and left the wrapper on the ground, PIG! Dummy #2 on my left asked what was restored in the movie. The audio track is all there but there are stills in black and white that were recovered from the cut scenes that we got to watch as we heard the audio, that was the restored part, which Robert Osborne, talked about, at length, had he listened!!
 
The movie ended and I see Dreamboat getting up and out before the lights are up so I scooted outside as well. He's walking around to get in the car, Boring McYawn is already in the car, and I say, "Pardon me Mr. Baldwin." He looked up and I walked out into the street to show I meant business. "I find you terribly fascinating," he loved that, "If you ever want to steal John Wayne's footprints..." And he laughed took my number and said ," ok, thank you." That was a reference to an 'I Love Lucy' episode and if you've never seen it, you're welcome.
 

 
I then walked over to Club TCM, because I didn't pay $1,000 extra to go to the Vanity Fair party (NEXT YEAR!!!), and bought myself a $4.99 Diet Coke. I met up with two really nice girls I had seen at the premire who were dressed cute.
 

Me, Carley and Amber

They left early and I went in and ran into one of the guys that had interviewed me earlier that day and I can't remember his name but we had a nice long talk. I'm horrible with names!!

The Essenstials Set

We parted and I went home around midnight because I had to be back in Hollywood the next day at 9AM to see 'The Bad and the Beautiful."

To be continued....

Teddy Roosevelt kicks Ayn Rand's A$$

So...I was at the gym tonight and I saw where the checker-inner guy normally is sitting there was just a book. 'The Fountainhead' by Ayn Rand. "Wow," I thought, "this guy is pretty weird, why would he be reading such a heavy book?" This guy is the same one that tells me I'm not very consistent at working out and that even though I work 6 days a week sometimes I should come in on the 7th day (Sorry I don't have a job where I get to sit down all night long guy.) and rubs his girlfriend's ass while she's running. I can't stand this guy already!

As I left he was back at his spot and I asked him if he had read that book. He said he had and was shocked that I knew who the author was. I should have played dumb because I was then locked in an hour long talk about bullsh*t I didn't care or agree with him on and didn't want to put forth the energy to fight with him because I would still be there right now if I had.

Craig is this idiot's name, he's an atheist who thinks I ride a motorcycle (so basically thought I was a butch dyke, thanks douche.), but that's neither here nor there. He's majoring in philosophy. I'm not a big philosophy buff or Ayn Rand for that matter, but I held my own in this conversation. He told me he thinks religion is stupid and you can't prove it and it holds people back and you can't be prideful or selfish. I listened to him prattle on about this for the better part of 45 minutes. He started talking about the Middle East some how and I said something about Teddy Roosevelt and the carrying a big stick quote. He said, "Oh Teddy Roosevelt, I think he was horrible. That's when the Presidents really went down hill, starting with him."

Wait, WHAT?

I think he saw that he had to really prove to me what he was saying because my eyebrow had raised so high it was almost to my hairline. I LOVE TR, LOVE him. He said TR was the reason government was involved with busting up big businesses and we shouldn't be involved in that. He didn't have an opinion on my Big Stick comment because he didn't really know much about TR's stance on foreign policy but thought it was like W's and he thinks we should always be isolationists not "cowboys" or have "national pride". And that TR "fancied  himself a cowboy." No dude, he WAS a freaking cowboy. He was THE Rough Rider. IDIOT! "Didn't he create National Parks? I don't like paying for those, I mean the government doesn't pay for things I like and those aren't even any good so they should be privately funded so I don't have to pay for them." I don't like the outdoors much but I never thought I would meet someone who hates conserving nature and actually finds it a friggin' burden on them self financially. I think my brain was melting out of my ears at this point.

Who doesn't like Teddy? I never thought I'd meet someone who hated him. He is the most bad ass President EVER! Better than Lincoln because someone tried to kill TR, shot him and with the bullet in him gave a one hour long speech!!!! BAD ASS!!

So, Craig was and still is, really pissing me off. I can't stand these hipsters that think sitting around and thinking about all this stupid stuff makes them the next Aristotle. I'm fine with people not thinking there's a heaven, great more room for my plantation in the sky, you can work in my cotton fields for eternity and ponder more stupid crap, like "Why was I so stupid to think Teddy Roosevelt was a bad President?"

GAH!!!! STUPID PEOPLE!!!

Marty!! We've got to go back!!

They had style, they had grace

So...I got to Hollywood Blvd. early for my class tonight and decided to wander around. It was daylight so I was safer than it being at night. I've walked past this theater and it always makes me sad. Clearly it once was a really neat theater and now it's all boarded up. I did a little research and found out that this spot is apparently very haunted because in 1901 it was an elementary school that burnt down killing 25 kids and a teacher. The theater was built in 1936 and was in use until 1995. There are a lot of neat old buildings on Hollywood Blvd. that, in a past life would have been some really swingin', happening places. It reminded me of Back to the Future. How things were once awesome and now they are all dirty and scary because people are all buttholes now.

Ice, Ice Baby

As I went about my little adventure to look into the past I really found one from my family's past. Jack Warner was the ice boy to my Great-Great Grandpa Abraham Goldberg. Jack apparently asked Ab if he wanted to go into the Nickelodeon (WAY before it was the name of a cable network) business with him and my stupid Great-Great Grandpa said, "I've got enough money." What an un-Jewish answer...they can NEVER have enough money!!!

Walk like an...

One landmark that has not turned to rubble was the Egyptian Theater. It open in 1922, just a month before King Tut's tomb was discovered  and was built, in my opinion, in a much more opulent manner than Grauman's Chinese just down the street.

See the pyramids along the Nile...

This doesn't even lead anywhere! Now that's crazy money!!

Slide your feet up the street bend your back...

Near the glass doors they have a schedule posted with all the movies they are playing for the month listed. On May 1st they are playing all three Back to the Future movies. I'm like a psychic! I text Harry to tell him he should come for a visit to watch all three...apparently there is suppose to be a special guest at the end of the showing. Maybe it'll be someone awesome like Doc Brown or someone less awesome like Bliff, either way that's cool.

I walk down the lane, with a happy refrain...

I couldn't get any closer to this building but it was really pretty and had a lot of detail. I wonder what it once was? Now it's stuck next to these two crappy souvenir shops. Poor little building.

Shoobie, Doobie, Doo...

I didn't know THIS place is the oldest Italian place in Hollywood since 1949. If they drove all the other Italian places out of town they did a bad job because Musso and Franks serves Italian and as been around since 1919. Someone needs to fix their sign but that mosaic is pretty cool.

While walking down to Grauman's Chinese I saw a girl flip out when she came across Marilyn Monroe's star on the Walk of Fame. She yelled and then kissed her hand and touched the ground. Maybe she thinks these people are buried under the stars, I don't know, but it was gross.

The Lady, She's a Tramp...

I wear the same shoe size as Sinatra. We could do a Tootsie like movie together where he borrows all my clothes...hilarious!

You Made Me Love You, I Didn't Wanna Do It...

Why does Gable's prints have a brass boarder? Did Lucy and Ethel try and steal this one too??

MAME...

Rosalind Russell as Auntie Mame reminds me of my crazy Grandma M. And my feet are WAY bigger than ol' Roz's tootsies.

I had to hoof it back to my class down the street but I did have a fun little adventure in only an hour before class.

And I'm going to be 40....SOMEDAY!

Drunken rock out. Clearly I'm doing my best Freddie Mercury.

So...'When Harry Met Sally' was on E! the other night. I've seen that movie about a kajillion times. I remember my parents referencing that movie to tell me men and women could never be friends. I'm fairly certain my Dad almost knew the spiel verbatim, like some kind of cautionary Gettysburg address or something.

I have always had more guy friends than girl, now the guys are just gay so the Harry/Sally thing turns into the Will/Grace thing, but I never worried about any of then actually liking me (the straight ones), but this scene in the movie has always stuck with me as a reminder.

I moved in with my guy (non-gay) best friend in college (For the sake of this blog, his name will be Harry). We were never single at the same time and I was totally certain there was nothing there because I asked him to Winter Formal in high school (as friends) and was shot down.

Yes I did have blonde hair at one point

As far as I was concerned we were like brother and sister since we were born 5 days apart, went to the same schools since we were 6 and when I was blond, looked similar. So, for three years we lived together and with each other's boyfriend or girlfriend at certain times. Neither one of our dates ever worried that we liked each other because they figured if something were to happen it would have by our early 20's.

Harry moved away and I still haven't found that replacement and it's been almost 2 years. Now, don't get me wrong, he's irreplaceable and I really miss Harry... a lot. But I am still looking for that straight buddy to pal around with, like I make you dinner and you fix crap for me and watch Old School and talk about random historical events and Back to the Future and not worry about him trying to do anything funny.

Now I have to worry about people asking me out to places I do not want to go to on dates and then expect something..physical. As if a $25 date means I have to put out....hookers make better money than that!!! I just want a freakin' friend. It's like THAT is harder to find than a date.

A good piece of advice from my crazy Grandma M is she told me to make sure I'm friends with who ever I end up with because once the love is gone you can at least like the person. So, shouldn't it all start out as friends?

If It's Not Scottish, It's CRAP

I will admit, this made me like Steve Martin a little more.

So...St. Patty's Day is upon us again. I HATE that "holiday" and I never have and NEVER will celebrate it. My Granny is from Scotland and has taught me from a young age to be fully insulted by anyone who thinks I'm Irish. I never wore green on that day, I was told to wear orange and I never got pinched because I was a giant and no one would mess with me. Her sister on the other hand taught me to hate, well, everyone, especially Pakistanis, but that's another story. (As you might guess, we got along very well!)

To me Cinco de Mayo and St. Patrick's Day are interchangeable. Two days for people who 363 out of the year don't give a crap about their culture and when they do it's to get wasted and eat foods that make you fart like crazy. Yes I know, the Scots have haggis, but we also have Ross's Edinburgh Castle Rock Candy.

Eat that you flithy Mick!

This candy was always brought over by visiting family members where it would get riped out of their hands and eaten like the sugar-crack addict I was/am.
 Other than being better than Ireland in the confectionery sense, the next time you flush the toilet after puking all your nasty green beer up, you're welcome. Signed, Alexander Cummings, inventor of the flush toilet, Beee-yaatch! I could list even more awesome Scotch inventions (refrigerator, telephone, lawnmower, insulin, the movies, hypodermic syringe, EKG, cloning) but I'll take the high road and you... can be Irish.  

Plus, I Love Lucy never went to Ireland.

*I couldn't find a clip from the SNL skit 'All Things Scottish" with Mike Myers, but that is what my blog title comes from, his store's slogan.

Begin At The Beginning: Blackout

So... I started my comedy writing class in Hollywood on Monday. I got there way too early so I walked the couple of blocks down to Hollywood and Highland to see what hell the Oscars left behind in it's wrath from the night before. That was as close to that mess as I wanted to get...plus there were WAY too many creepy homeless dudes yelling things at me so I hid in a Starbucks for an hour.

The class I am in is very small, like 11 people and our professor looks like if Peter Boyle and older Orson Welles had a baby. Before he could get a word in we all had to go mix with the improv students...not what I really wanted to do. I like the writers because they aren't so, smiley. I work at Disneyland so I know fake smiles and these improv students have some of oddest smiles...as if they are on some kind of extreme uppers! We had to do some activity where we got into 4 groups and made the letters of the alphabet without talking to one another. I was never more glad to be done with an activity. 

We finally got to go in and do the what's your name, where are you from and who do you like in comedy game. 75% of the class' main goal is to be a head writer on SNL. We finally got to our teacher, Ira Miller. He's from Chicago and was on the main stage of Second City in 1969-1973(I think) along with Peter Boyle and John Belushi. Yea, already, this guy is legit in my book. He goes on to tell us that one of his teachers had him audition when he was about 21 for Mel Brooks and has worked with Mel Brooks for over 30 years. WHOA. Clearly I will listen to this guy.

He had us do an activity called a Blackout, which was hard for me because it's very corny. (I wish my Grampa had written down all of his corny jokes because I would have it easy right now!!) We all went around and read the few we had written, I got laughs with mine and some guys wrote a few about Nazis and Jews. Really guys? You're going to write a Nazis/Jew joke for the guy who worked with Mel Brooks, the King of that genre?? Come on.  By the way I have to write 10 black outs by Monday, I have 4 and I'm not even sure about those. Blergh.

The next thing we talked about was what I am very interested in, creating a comic character. He said the character has to be exaggerated, have a comic take on life, flaws and a humanity point where the audience can reconnect with the character and so they can still be like-able.

 I'm using my Grandma M.

 A very good portrayal of my Grandma. (Circa the late 1960's, early 70's)

There are so, so, very many gems to choose from for me to write about, it's like1849 all over again and I struck gold! Our other assignment for next week is to write a monologue with this character that conveys their comic perspective, flaws, exaggerations(there will not need to be many) and humanity all in the dialogue. I gave a brief description of her to the class and I got some laughs, good, and Ira asked me, "What is her humanity?" I told him that she's an old grandma, so people have sympathy for old people, unlucky in relationships and people LOVE when old folks say dirty things. It's hilarious.

I called Grandma the next day and knew I was NOT going to tell her about this. I did tell her about the class and she said,

"Writing class, ugghhh. You should really be doing modeling school, brat."

 "Jesus, Grandma! If I did that I would come out of there with a cocaine habit and an eating disorder, both of which I do NOT need."

See, not the typical sweet Grandma in a rocking chair.

While I think about what to use from my Grandma here's a clip of Cherri Oterri as Debbie Reynolds, who my Mom thinks my Grandma is like. Enjoy.

Hooray for Hollywood

So...The Oscars are this Sunday and guess who not going to be at work that day? This moi! I have always enjoyed watching the awards but this time it's different, this time it's 4 hours of Alec Baldwin (and Steve Martin)!!! I know, I know, Steve's done it before but come on, look at the ad, who's going to give you a better time? Not Steve.

Most people watch the awards now to see who's wearing what. Fashions have certainly changed in the 82 years. Here's a little tasty taste of how things have gone down hill and crashed into a manure truck. (Yes I just made a Biff reference in my Oscar blog!)

1930's:

Mary Pickford with her fur draped in the background.

1940's

Loretta Young and her HUGE dress

1950's

I see crazy people. At least Bette Davis wore a neat little bejeweled cap to cover her bald head (shaved for a role) and look how classy Grace Kelly looks with her gloves(too bad she was a skank. It's true Mom.) and how unfat Marlon Brando was. Ahhh, those were the days!

1960's

Audry Hepburn and Julia Andrews playing it safe

1970's

And here we go, overly tanned, sweaty but HUGE diamonds make up for everything.

Let's take a closer look

OK, that makes up for how crappy the 70's were. Thank you Liz Taylor.

1980's

Could you imagine having to sit behind that head dress? You might as well have stayed home because the view would be better on TV.

1990's

No.

2000's

Uh oh, someone was drunk when they got dressed. Well, at least you know she's havin' a goooood time!

Some people actually watch the show to see if their favorite movie will win any awards. This year they have 10 movies nominated in the Best Film category instead of 5. They made more nominees because there are just TOO many good movies out now a days. Really? There are more good movies made now than in 1939? Here are some theatrical masterpieces from 2009: Paul Blart Mall Cop, Ace Ventura 3, Fired Up, Lesbian Vampire Killers,GI Joe, All About Steve, and Jennifer's Body. All modern day classics I'm sure. 

The only movies nominated for the big one that I've seen are Up and Inglorious Bastards. Now, you really can't go wrong with killin' Nazis but Up was really, really good. I don't think it will win Best Picture but will for sure win Best Animated Film.

Below is a list of all the Best Picture Winners, if I've seen them and if I thought they were any good. (And that's right, I didn't like Casablanca!) That's one thing I like about the movies, people get very heated about their favorite films and why they love them and why your favorites suck.

Anyway, see how many you've seen.





YEAR/ MOVIE TITLE                                           SEEN                                  Any Good?



1928 (1st) Wings, Sunrise                            

1929 (2nd) The Broadway Melody
1930 (3rd) All Quiet on the Western Front

1931 (4th) Grand Hotel, Cimarron

1932 (5th) Grand Hotel

1933 (6th) Cavalcade

1934 (7th) It Happened One Night                         X                                             X

1935 (8th) Mutiny on the Bounty

1936 (9th) The Great Ziegfeld                               
1937 (10th) The Life of Émile Zola

1938 (11th) You Can't Take It With You

1939 (12th) Gone with the Wind                            X                                               MY FAVORITE

1940 (13th) Rebecca

1941 (14th) How Green Was My Valley

1942 (15th) Mrs. Miniver                                        X                                               OK

1943 (16th) Casablanca                                          X                                              
1944 (17th) Going My Way

1945 (18th) The Lost Weekend

1946 (19th) The Best Years of Our Lives               X                                                OK

1947 (20th) Gentleman's Agreement

1948 (21st) Hamlet 

1949 (22nd) All the King's Men

1950 (23rd) All about Eve                                    X                                                     X

1951 (24th) An American in Paris                         X                                                     OK

1952 (25th) The Greatest Show on Earth

1953 (26th) From Here to Eternity                         X

1954 (27th) On the Waterfront

1955 (28th) Marty

1956 (29th) Around the World in 80 Days 

1957 (30th) The Bridge on the River Kwai               X                                                        OK

1958 (31st) Gigi                                                       X                                                          X

1959 (32nd) Ben-Hur

1960 (33rd) The Apartment

1961 (34th) West Side Story                                   X

1962 (35th) Lawrence of Arabia                              X

1963 (36th) Tom Jones

1964 (37th) My Fair Lady                                        X                                                            X

1965 (38th) The Sound of Music                               X                                                            X

1966 (39th) A Man for All Seasons

1967 (40th) In the Heat of the Night

1968 (41st) Oliver!

1969 (42nd) Midnight Cowboy

1970 (43rd) Patton 

1971 (44th) The French Connection

1972 (45th) The Godfather                                        X                                                          X

1973 (46th) The Sting

1974 (47th) The Godfather Part II                            X                                                            X

1975 (48th) One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest         X

1976 (49th) Rocky                                                     X

1977 (50th) Annie Hall

1978 (51st) The Deer Hunter

1979 (52nd) Kramer vs. Kramer                                  X                                                            X

1980 (53rd) Ordinary People 

1981 (54th) Chariots of Fire

1982 (55th) Gandhi

1983 (56th) Terms of Endearment

1984 (57th) Amadeus 

1985 (58th) Out of Africa                                         X                                                                 X

1986 (59th) Platoon 

1987 (60th) The Last Emperor

1988 (61st) Rain Man                                                X                                             DEFINATELY 21

1989 (62nd) Driving Miss Daisy                                 X                                                               X

1990 (63rd) Dances With Wolves

1991 (64th) The Silence of the Lambs 

1992 (65th)  Unforgiven                                               X                                                               X

1993 (66th) Schindler's List

1994 (67th) Forrest Gump                                            X                                                                X

1995 (68th) Braveheart                                                X                                                                 X
       
1996 (69th) The English Patient

1997 (70th) Titanic                                                      X                                                                  X
   
1998 (71st) Shakespeare in Love                               X                                                                    X

1999 (72nd) American Beauty                                    X                                                                    X

2000 (73rd) Gladiator                                                X                                                                      X

2001 (74th) A Beautiful Mind

2002 (75th) Chicago                                                   X

2003 (76th) The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King        X

2004 (77th) Million Dollar Baby

2005 (78th) Crash 

2006 (79th) The Departed                                                  X                                                            X

2007 (80th) No Country for Old Men 

2008 (81th) Slumdog Millionaire


To futher get you in the mood here is some music from the Golden Age of Hollywood (when they actually made good films) on an organ, similar to one that would have played in an old movie house.


That old timer playing the organ is pretty bad ass....I think I'm the only person that thinks organ playing is bad ass.