T.F.D STATUS

FANCY

So... I went to the Re-opening of Second City Hollywood today with Heather. It was a long but super fun day. We saw two shows, the first being The Sassy Gay Friend Show. If you don't know who that is, educate yo' sef.

It is a fantastic show and everyone should see it. Seriously, it's $10, it's fun and you could even be in the show...just like ME!! That's right, I went on stage and Sassy called my friend Cassie (non-intentional rhyme-age)and gave her some funny relationship advice. Brian Gallivan is the guy that is in the show, he is hilarious and told me he would love to see me on a night time soap opera...I'll take that as an awesomely gay compliment!

One tall drink of water.

 Brian Gallivan and I after his hilarious show.

(By the way, I have 5 inch heels on in this photo too!)

The next show we were going to see didn't start until 7PM, so we had some time to hang out in the lounge and have some snacks. Unfortunately for me, the only drinks were beer and wine...not really my thing. So I had white wine on the rocks, a la my Grandma.

As we were chatting, Brian came over and introduced me to a dude, Terrance, Trent, Templeton, hell, I don't know what his name was. Anyway, he knew I was single and was trying to do me a solid...T-bag was nice, but not for me. Thanks for trying Boo.

I also saw Tina VanVleet, who was in the Miss Lady USA improv show with me and is perfection. I had seen her perform before I was in the show with her and she had always stuck out in my mind as one of the funniest people I'd seen on that stage. She commented on how awesome I looked...not being dressed up like a Grandma does wonders for me, I know! (She's also in a show called THUNDERDOME on Friday nights...since you'll already be there seeing Sassy, you need to see this chick to. I insist upon it.)

Heather, lounging in the lounge.

We saw the Farley Brother's podcast (you can listen to it on iTunes, I believe. And I don't know how to do a link to iTunes, so if you really give a crap, you can figure it out. I'm not the Geek Squad over here.) They were funny and Lex Luthor from Smallville was there and some cute but not funny Aussie chick was there and eventually David Spade's late ass showed up.

We stayed around to see if we could get into another show. So we kept my girl Sasha company, as she was the bouncer for the VIP lounge. Do not mess with her, she does not mess around! Sasha is in my writing class with me and rains down judgment upon people with her facial expressions. They go a little something like this:

DENIED

That poor thing had to be there from 9AM to midnight. Damn. She did crack Heather up with all of her stories about weird people she has to put in their places on a daily basis. (Another rhyme...what the hell?)

ADORABLE

We went back into the lounge and I was chatting with some dude I know from Second City who is nice but NOT cute and Brian comes up behind the guy and gives me the OK sign and a wink. I made sure to sock him in the arm when he past me a few minutes later. We didn't get into the show but I did get to tell Brian that although it has been a while since I've been on a date (more than a while, but that's a whole other blog!) I could do better than that hot mess he saw me talking to! Please!

Heather LOVES hot beef, can you tell?

The show was sold out, so we went down to 25 Degrees for yummy hamburgers. We hadn't had a meal all day, so it was awesome. She was amazed at all the slutty girls that were going to the clubs. I kid you not, she loudly commented on all the whores that were out and about, which as a small town girl, I was sure she was going to get us stabbed. She was amazed at how skanky they were until I told her, "Heather, they know they are slutty, they planned this, they're out trollin' for d!ck."  We have now compromised and call them TFD status, I feel safer that way.

UPDATE 10/4/10: Here are photos of me on stage. I snagged them off Second City's FB page.

Let Me Entertain You

Looking for Sea Otters in Cambria.

So...my writing class has started back up again, the first thing to break open the cocoon of hell that was this horrible summer. I couldn't wait to start up again because I needed something going on in my life that was fun.

After week two of class I was "volunteered" to be in an improv beauty pagent one day before it was to happen!! I have never acted or improved anything, but I figured 'oh well, I won't know anyone watching except for my writing friends, so who cares?' I got my two costumes; one gown and one leisure wear and I was set. I got to Second City and waited around with my Stage Mama,Sasha, until it was time to get ready. The Sassy Gay Friend Show was before the show I was in and it was sold out. So as that show is going on the girls in my show got changed backstage. Before long Brain Gallivan (Sassy Gay Friend) came back and took a look at all of us and points to me and says, "You're going to win this." See, gay men can not resist me, even when I'm in costume. Too bad I'm not that irresistable to straight men! All my writing friends came and even one of the new guys from our class came out, which was really nice.

 We go on in our gown looks:

Center Stage

(After my cat pooped on me during show and tell in second grade, nothing embarrasses me anymore...clearly.)

My leisure outfit was this sweet number:

Yes my talent, as choosen by the audience, was tap dancing...that was just dandy!

I didn't win, but that's ok because I'm surprised I even did it.  As I was changing an older dude came back  and talked to everyone and after he left I asked one of the girls who he was. Oh, just the owner of all the Second Cities. If I would have known he was in the audience, I would have been super nervous so thank God I had no clue!

With my old lady makeup still on, I drove to Bakersfield to go to Cambria with my Mom and Scottish Granny for her birthday. It's nice and foggy over there. We had lunch, went to the kniting shop for what  probably felt like an eternity to my Mom, who doesn't knit, and had a wee sweetie.

The next day I went out to Grandma's and got a whole bunch of old pictures, my GG's coffee table and an AWESOME cat ring. Baller Status!

So, things are looking up, my class is going well. But the topper to all the good things is that 30 Rock is back. Yes, I still have a very good relationship with TV and last night's episode was fantastic. I couldn't get my favorite clip of Jack seducing a gay man...his tricks would have worked on me, especially the old hand through the hair. Yummers! But here's my second favorite scene of the night.

We'll see how long things so well for me. I'm sure I'll Lemon all this good stuff some how!

Everyone's a Critic 3.0

So... I went to see Toy Story 3 the other day with my little brother and my friend Heather. We went at noon and there were a few kids but more adults. ALL the adults were ROLLING!! It was a hysterical movie, jokes about outlaws welcome past the border, Mr. Potato Head (Mr. Warmth himself, Don Rickles who I adore!!) stealing money...of course they have the Jew take the money!! It was great, but it is a Pixar movie so they try to make you tear up. Honestly, best new movie I've seen all year.

The plot revolves around Andy growing up and what is he going to do with his old toys. The movie basically made me feel bad about giving away toys. I still have my big box of Barbies that aren't going anywhere any time soon now! My first Barbie I got when I was 2 after waking up from a nap. This is the ad for her.

She was AWESOME! While watching the movie it made me miss playing. Growing up sucks for a BUNCH of reasons and people that play with toys in adulthood are normally geeks who live in their Mom's basement, so I don't think I'll start it up again! I also love the smell of new plastic, you know, the way a brand new toy smells on Christmas...ahhhh, it's wonderful. Watching the movie made me realize why my parents, well mostly my Dad, played with my toys before I woke up on Christmas.

Speaking of Barbies they are making a Sugar Daddy Barbie, who looks...super FABBBULOUSS!!!!

They didn't make Ken gay in the movie, but he was very flamboyant. Honestly, he was the best character, hilarious.

The Sugar Daddy Ken reminds of a hilarious character a guy from Second City created called, Sassy Gay Friend...it makes me laugh, enjoy.

Begin At The Beginning: Blackout

So... I started my comedy writing class in Hollywood on Monday. I got there way too early so I walked the couple of blocks down to Hollywood and Highland to see what hell the Oscars left behind in it's wrath from the night before. That was as close to that mess as I wanted to get...plus there were WAY too many creepy homeless dudes yelling things at me so I hid in a Starbucks for an hour.

The class I am in is very small, like 11 people and our professor looks like if Peter Boyle and older Orson Welles had a baby. Before he could get a word in we all had to go mix with the improv students...not what I really wanted to do. I like the writers because they aren't so, smiley. I work at Disneyland so I know fake smiles and these improv students have some of oddest smiles...as if they are on some kind of extreme uppers! We had to do some activity where we got into 4 groups and made the letters of the alphabet without talking to one another. I was never more glad to be done with an activity. 

We finally got to go in and do the what's your name, where are you from and who do you like in comedy game. 75% of the class' main goal is to be a head writer on SNL. We finally got to our teacher, Ira Miller. He's from Chicago and was on the main stage of Second City in 1969-1973(I think) along with Peter Boyle and John Belushi. Yea, already, this guy is legit in my book. He goes on to tell us that one of his teachers had him audition when he was about 21 for Mel Brooks and has worked with Mel Brooks for over 30 years. WHOA. Clearly I will listen to this guy.

He had us do an activity called a Blackout, which was hard for me because it's very corny. (I wish my Grampa had written down all of his corny jokes because I would have it easy right now!!) We all went around and read the few we had written, I got laughs with mine and some guys wrote a few about Nazis and Jews. Really guys? You're going to write a Nazis/Jew joke for the guy who worked with Mel Brooks, the King of that genre?? Come on.  By the way I have to write 10 black outs by Monday, I have 4 and I'm not even sure about those. Blergh.

The next thing we talked about was what I am very interested in, creating a comic character. He said the character has to be exaggerated, have a comic take on life, flaws and a humanity point where the audience can reconnect with the character and so they can still be like-able.

 I'm using my Grandma M.

 A very good portrayal of my Grandma. (Circa the late 1960's, early 70's)

There are so, so, very many gems to choose from for me to write about, it's like1849 all over again and I struck gold! Our other assignment for next week is to write a monologue with this character that conveys their comic perspective, flaws, exaggerations(there will not need to be many) and humanity all in the dialogue. I gave a brief description of her to the class and I got some laughs, good, and Ira asked me, "What is her humanity?" I told him that she's an old grandma, so people have sympathy for old people, unlucky in relationships and people LOVE when old folks say dirty things. It's hilarious.

I called Grandma the next day and knew I was NOT going to tell her about this. I did tell her about the class and she said,

"Writing class, ugghhh. You should really be doing modeling school, brat."

 "Jesus, Grandma! If I did that I would come out of there with a cocaine habit and an eating disorder, both of which I do NOT need."

See, not the typical sweet Grandma in a rocking chair.

While I think about what to use from my Grandma here's a clip of Cherri Oterri as Debbie Reynolds, who my Mom thinks my Grandma is like. Enjoy.