Brain Turd

Me.

So...do bad things come in threes or is it only celebrity deaths? I hope, for my sake, that it's both because I feel like the rabbit that got it's foot chopped off, unlucky! In less than 2 weeks I've had MAJOR roommate crap to deal with, my writing class (the most enjoyable thing I've got going for myself right now) was postponed and I got rear ended going to work. BLERGH!!! I know everything happens for a reason but does it all have to happen at once?! I hope Karma is real because I should be getting something better than a free cookie back!


I love dishing out a good insult. Not something simple, a good insult is an art and not everyone can do it. This montage is how I feel about one of my crappy situations. It is a masterpiece.

I did go see 'Get Him To The Greek.' I had watched 'Forgetting Sarah Marshall' (Get Him To The Greek is kind of a sequel to that movie)which I thought was okay, but the Greek movie was surprisingly funny. All the main characters were really good and I laughed a lot, which I needed. Toy Story 3 is still my pick for the summer full of underwhelming movies.

This July Fourth at 'The Happiest Place in Hell' almost turned me into a full blown racist, almost. I had about 10 separate LARGE parties of middle eastern people and their devil spawn. I don't think I've met any bossier children than these middle eastern kids. A**HOLES! Someone needs to civilize them and teach them some manners because they are atrocious. Getting bossed around by them on MY COUNTRY'S holiday was ironic and pissed me off. I was yelling horrible things in the back when I refilled their bread basket SIX times. I am exhausted and didn't even get a hot dog, damn it!

This entry is titled Brain Turd because it's very random, as if my brain took a turd.

May I Make A Suggestion?

So...I have been clicking the 'next blog' button to look around/creepily spy on other bloggers' blogs. Either EVERYONE writes about the same few topics OR blogger.com is trying to tell me something. And if that is in fact the case, then, in the words of Stephanie Tanner of 'Full House' fame, "How ruuuude!"

Popular Blog No 1: Running

WAY to many people are writing about their running experiences, training schedule for triathlons or marathons. Great, you aren't paralyzed and can run, enough already. If running is that entertaining that why is everyone always listening to their iPod or watching The Colbert Report while they run? Oh, that's right because running SUCKS! No one likes it. If they say they do, they are liars and Jesus hates them(I'll get to you in a minute Jesus, hold on!) People that run all the time are clearly nuts and have some inner demon they need to deal with.

Case in point:

Crazy guy who runs alot. At least part of the time he's running from someone who's actually chasing him.

The only reason I run is because the girl on the right (Monique) is hiding inside me, just waiting to come out. I am reminded that it's OK to eat because weekly I see my gym-reaper, Karen Carpenter's (left) twin at the gym. She pounds away on the StairMaster and creeps the hell out me. I'm fairly certain I will witness her death at 2AM at 24 Hour Fitness.

The only other reason to run a lot is for money. Those super fast black guys at the Olympics make tons of money, so I get that reason for doing it, it still doesn't make it fun!

Popular Blog No. 2: Crazy Christians

Jesus is ashamed of his people's lack of creativity and poor spelling.

I don't care if you are Baptist (although they are most assuredly the winner in the crazy for Jesus race), Lutheran, whatever, blogs just about Jesus are coo-coo for coco puffs. I get the middle aged Moms who write them because their kids are grown up and they are bored, so they feel Jesus gives them purpose, I get them. It's the college students I don't understand. I found one that had a HUGE, very serious head shot of a 20 something girl then in small type, Grace every day, spreading Jesus' love. Nothing says it's all about Jesus like a HUGE photo of yourself. You're crazy and already have +300 points in the race to becoming a cat lady, congrats, you are beating me. I have also found that these kinds of people are the ones that are very passionate about making signs (mostly poorly spelt signs) and going to events they can carry these hilarious signs at, mostly at anti-gay rallies. I'm sorry Christians but gay dudes come up with WAY better and hilarious signs. Let me share my favorites with you:

 

Two words: Rock Hudson

Christians, you need to learn some sweet comedic skills, like this gay, HEELLLLOOOO!!!

Good Point

So, I will not be joining the uber Christians any time soon. Mostly because they don't know how to have fun...or do hair.

These ladies clearly do NOT have a gay BFF.

Popular Blog No. 3: Babies

Stop looking at me creepy baby.

I understand that people want to share their photos with family and friends, that's what a flickr account is for. No one except the parents give a crap about Little Johnny walking or talking. People walk and talk everyday, most of the time they do a horrible job at it too. If Johnny is 6 months and plays Schubert, then forget the blog and call Oprah!  Plus pictures of babies are BORING. They are just laying there, drooling and thinking about...nothing.

Then when they do, this happens:

EVERY DAY I see this at work and it makes my uterus want to kill itself. I think my biological clock is permanently on snooze.

So, in summary, blogger.com suggests that my fat ass start running, then thank Jesus I lost the weight and found someone to have horrible little trolls with. You're wrong and just mean blogger.com.