Mick Jagger, Meltdowns and Main Characters

Even if I get Alzheimer's, I will never forget this friggin' song.

So...class numero tres. It was too windy to sit outside before class so I began my search for a hide out indoors. As soon as I opened the doors to my building 75 music students came pouring out. Every stereotype you can think of for musical theater students, insert it here x75, then picture me like a salmon swimming against a stream of loud nerds. Finally, I found a small art library to sit in for an hour and a half, thank God!

Crazytown and some poor Asian dude were the only ones in class when I arrived 10 minutes early. That poor sucker will never come to class early again. She named dropped about some book she edited being made into a movie and some actor signed on, and I'd just love it--- blah, blah, blah. First off, you don't know what I would love but if you like it, it might be a little too (insert BS buzzword jargon here) for me! And second, if I don't know the actor, he must not be that awesome.

Our homework was to write a 3 act summary of Toy Story. Not as easy as it sounds. I'm learning that screenwriting is all about the less words the better, so I had to make my 3-4 sentences per act count. After talking about that movie, we got to watch Act I of 'Moonstruck,' and I noticed how much detail there was in the movie this time around. If you haven't seen it, SNAP OUT OF IT and rent it. If you have seen it, the next time you watch it, notice how much death is referenced and that Johnny and Ronnie haven't talked in 5 years (5 fingers=a hand), and I could go on, but I won't.

As we were getting our assignment for next week I noticed one thing the teacher didn't cover that was noted on the syllabus for the week. It said, "Main Character's Goals: A word of advice from Mick Jagger." I asked her what the advice was. "You can't always get what you want, you get what you need." This was one subject I could have taught that class about because I know that song all TOO well.

Explanation: To keep me from being a whinny little sh*t, my Mom used the Rolling Stones as an embarrassing torture tactic. If I asked her for a toy that I couldn't have and kept asking, she would start singing that song where ever we were, a toy store, the mall, doesn't matter. It was embarrassing as hell and I would walk away as fast as I could and she didn't have to hear me pitch a fit about getting something I didn't need. As I got older, all she would have to say is, "I hear the choir warming up, " which was a warning that she would start singing, and I would walk away from the battle. More parents should do this because I NEVER threw a fit about some worthless piece of plastic. I'm not messed up because of it either...just don't sing around me, I will walk away from you as fast as I can.

The Eyes Have It

Vegan cupcakes---what? No. Just, stop.

So...I had a plan of action this week before driving to UCLA. I knew that if I got there early (which I did), I would sit away from the entire building my class is in and read, then go to class 5 minutes before it started. That seemed to help since I didn't have to sit directly next to Whack-a-do this time. We had to go around the room sharing our ideas for scripts we wanted to write. Sounds easy? Sure, but we only had 2 sentences in which to get the idea across. Yikes. Some ideas were great,others needed work and others sounded like movies that had already been made. Mine went over well and Crazytown's was full of...*eye roll*..."buzzwords" Buh!

I only had to deal with chatting during our break. She asked if she should take the train to San Diego or drive. I said drive but she "doesn't really drive on freeways." Oh, ok. I don't know how you have survived in LA for almost a year without doing that, much less successfully walked this planet for 36 years. I am amazed.
She then went on to talk about how "delicious" vegan cupcakes are. Choke yourself for even letting those words come out of your mouth and for being a liar.

We got to discuss Tootsie at length, which was great. Almost as good as being able to eat a piece of cheese...it's a close call. I thought one of the most interesting parts we talked about was that they didn't have time for "Tootsie" to get to know Jessica Lange's character because it would have been too much dialogue, so they picked a woman who you could fall in love with from just one look. Awesome shortcut! And the new 30 Rock episode tonight even had an entire ending dedicated to scenes with just looks. Life wrapped that handy lesson up for me in a Jack Donaghy shaped present!

The Pied Piper of Whack Jobs

Sandy: No, we are not friends. I don't take this shit from friends. Only lovers.

 I think this needs to be my motto to live by.

So...I have continued my collection of kooks tonight. I had my first screenwriting class at UCLA. I was early and sat down in the hall until the classroom was free. There was another girl waiting and asked everyone in the hall if it was ok if she waited there. I just thought she had never been to college before b/c sitting in a hallway was something I was used to seeing. She was, of course, drawn to me since I produce a pheromone that only weirdos can smell. I don't even know how to explain her without wasting a whole blog on her. Let's just say,after 3 hours I wanted to shove my pen in my ear so I didn't have to listen to her yap. She has the oddest voice, and when we went around the class answering questions she sat right next to me (like I even needed to include that detail!) and I followed her with my answer. I had to try my hardest to NOT mimic her voice b/c it was so ridiculous. It was like this clip but if she got really excited about something it would get really high pitched and she would jut out her bottom teeth and tugged on her ponytail....it was just ghaaaaastly!



And EVERYTHING was about her and how much of a big shot she was at her old job in NYC, followed by some "buzz word " that made absolutely no sense. For example, "Yes, my tastes are really unique, I go for the armchair, transformation, bittersweet, quirky stories." What. The. Hell?? You can not just put 4 words together and think that it makes any sort of sense. She went on to tell me she has major social anxiety. I was not surprised in the least bit and I said nothing. What I should have said was, "Move along crazy." She thought the teacher must think she's crazy felt like she was taking too many notes because blah, blah, blah...SHOOT ME!

I need to learn how to get this chick AWAY from me. I am not good at being mean but I can't sit through another 9 weeks of her prattling on about NY and her love of the sunshine...uh and that voice! *Slaps forehead*

The class is interesting. An assignment we had was to list 10 movies we love, why we love them and then 2 sentences summarizing the plot. I thought, "ONLY 10?? From what genre, what time period?" I could have gone on for days, weirdo said she had a hard time coming up with 10. (If you can't think of 10 movies you love, maybe you shouldn't be in a film writing class...just a thought.) I decided to give myself a limitation of movies I love because of great writing (not  JUST the music or costumes.) After deep thought, here are my 10.

1. Gone With The Wind
2. Tootsie
3. Auntie Mame
4. Funny Girl
5. When Harry Met Sally
6. Some Like It Hot
7. Back To The Future
8. The Holiday
9. Sabrina
10. Sunset Blvd.

A lot of the people in the class work in "the industry" so I felt like, maybe I was going to be the novice and didn't know much.

...And then I slapped myself in my stupid face. I don't know much about  movies?!  Just because I don't talk like an uppity, self-righteous, douche doesn't mean I don't know my stuff.

Others' choices were: Cohen brother's movies ("all of 'em are sweet", oy vey!), 'The Runaways', 'Clueless' and 'Stars Wars Episode 3', yea #3, the crappy one. Our teacher used to work for Sydney Pollack and if you already knew that he was the director of 'Tootsie', then you are miles ahead of most people in the class. As a matter of fact, our homework for the week is to watch 'Tootsie'. Heaven, I'm in Heaven! I will try not to dominate the discussion of the movie next week..try is the key word.