SUPER FREAK

Give It To Me Baby! (SAY WHAT?)

So...Tuesday I went to the Bowers Museum,with my friend Roger, to see the Benjamin Franklin exhibit. I used to work at Bowers and knew it was always full of kids and blue hairs. I know quite a bit about ol' Benji Frank and was hoping for a comprehensive look at his life. Well, you can hope in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up first. I felt like I was on a Splash Mountain-esque version of 1776, in other words, my hand was full of crap.

Cold Blooded

Everywhere I looked there's this friggin' squirrel, named Skuggs. What they didn't tell the kiddies was, skuggs is what squirrels were called back in the 1700's and when a pet "skugg" Benji had gifted to someone got killed by a dog, he wrote this, "Here Skugg Lies,Snug as a Bug in a Rug." So next time you say that, think "snug has a half eaten squirrel." Adorable.

In addition to being in Critter Country, there were touch screen TVs EVERYWHERE! If I wanted to watch TV, I would have stayed home. One clip was called "The Gout and Mr.Franklin." (As seen below)

She's a very special girl, from her head down to her toenails.

(Especially if she has the gout.)

So, they don't want to directly talk about his kinkiness, but showing kids a video of him talking to a drag queen version of himself is ok because he's Avatar blue? What--alright. Moving on.

They had some cool hands-on exhibits for kids, the best being about electrical currents. A bunch of private school, entitled, OC boys held hands and were shocked. It was awesome, especially when one kid hit the floor, then got up and wanted more. That kid will have drug problems.

  AND,I thought there would be actual portraits, not reproductions from art.com! They did have actual books Benji owned, some of which had pretty interesting titles.

Come on, Rick, I'm tired, let's go home 

It's Such A Freaky Scene

These chairs,one of his many inventions, were all over the place. A chair with a fan powered by a foot pedal...I would buy one. But, as you can see from my grimace in the photo above, like the senior citizens who this chair would be marketed for, I too can't stand screaming kids.

JUST THE FACTS JACK: It doesn't please me to say B.F. made Rick James look like Carlton from 'Fresh Prince', but he was the very definition of a super freak. He loved GILFs ("And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior." Gross, dude.), paid for hookers, was a dope head, a member of the Hellfire Club (The Hellfire Club was known for it's orgies, as depicted in 'Eyes Wide Shut,' yea, that weird ass movie with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman before her face got jacked.), and workers in 1998 dug up thousands of human bones buried in the basement of his London home (he lived with a doctor who wanted to study anatomy, which was illegal at the time, so BF paid unsavory people to bring him fresh bodies at night...wouldn't their neighbors have smelt that? No one complained...really?)

I say, forget the exhibit and watch some History Channel.

Temptations sing!

America, Brought To You By Hot Pockets

Official Uniform of the United State Congress

So...The Supreme Court recently shot down a ban that aimed to keep corporations from funding politicians. This was done because the corporations weren't getting the freedom of speech they are entitled to. (Forgive me if I don't have the correct amount of sympathy for these multimillionaires.)

Stephen Colbert CALLED IT two years ago when he ran for President and was sponsored by Doritos. Having the Senator of New Jersey be brought to me by Ed Hardy would be hilarious(and super douchey!), we already know Illinois has been brought to us by the Mob for years. Sadly, this can not all be one fabulous SNL skit, it actually is a bad idea.

The problem for me comes with the the BIG  BAD corporations, like, oil companies, fast food, and medical/insurance corporations.

1: I want my flying car!!!!!!

Seriously, it's 2010. I was PROMISED this by pop culture as long as I've been alive. I was born in 1985, THE pinnacle year for flying cars...Back To The Future, this is some serious sh!t Marty! I blame the oil companies. They screwed the trolley system over in LA, they're screwing me out of my flying car, I hate them. Now with this wonderful new ruling I'll never get my super sick Jetson car, I'll have to keep pumping dead dinos into my car forever. Sorry Dino.

2. Un-Happy Meal

Do NOT get me wrong, I enjoy me some french fries. But, it is cheaper to buy a hamburger ($1) than it is to make a salad at home($7-$25)THAT IS CRAZY!!!!! You are setting poor people up for massive failure and aneurysms. Is it a conspiracy between fast food and the insurance companies? Maybe. We are never going to be any healthier if good food doesn't go down in price so everyone can buy it. But since the Colonel has more money to push his weight around in Congress (pun intended) than Ol' Farmer McGregor, we're probably going to stay super fat. Thanks Ronald, your Happy Meal toys always sucked by the way!

3. Don't mind my cough, here's your dinner sir.

Alright, I'm a college graduate with a job and NO benefits. Livin' the American Dream baby! Health insurance is too expensive for me to buy because I'm not a hypochondriac so I won't use it enough to have the cost make sense to me. The last time I went to the doctor was 2 years ago. I'm sure I should have gone last year when I had a really bad cough, but I just let it play out over the next 4 months until it just went away, cheaper that way. Paying out of pocket for one visit is insane so if I ever have something bad happen to me I get to go to the Clinico Medico. That thought alone makes me want to sit on a knife! With these new sponsors I'm not going to have health care for a while so I guess I'd better learn to say, "It hurts here" en espanol because this is America and I can't go to English speaking doctor since heath insurance is so grossly over priced.

There are more sectors that will be negatively impacted but those are the ones that really upset me. It is a funny topic but clearly Washington is just blatantly grabbing cash and not doing what the people need...not that they weren't doing that before, it's just they are openly whoring themselves out. It's like they moved to Nevada and went to work at the Bunny Ranch to "put themselves through college." Stay classy America and remember to wear protection because you probably can't afford insurance.

Ricky Bobby's Prayer, Brought To You By Powerade.